Artwork by P-Jay Fidler
“VIC DEMISE-BOTH”
(Random Acts Of Silence)
Well, here it is. I’m sorry it took so long, as so many of you have asked me for copies of my stuff for years now. I’m a lot of things, but a shameless self-promoter is not one of them. This is not the best; it’s just what I have. Most of these songs were on old cassette tapes and the quality had deteriorated from their original marginal condition. I have done what I could to revive the fidelity and clean up the hiss and hum and bring back some of the brightness and punch. Sometimes the results were just fantastic, and I was able to remove noises and pull out sounds I thought were lost to magnetic decay forever. In other cases I just did the best I could. I sort of got better at the whole preservation thing as I went along, and was even tempted to start the whole project over but a man could lose his mind trying to decide if this sounds better than that…or that.
Eventually you’ve got to just settle for something, and so I have. I hope you all like it. There are four discs in the collection. The first two are all songs written by me, the kind with lyrics. The third disc begins a compilation of instrumental tracks, mostly experiments where I was making it up as I went. sort of. The instrumentals continue into the fourth disc and the there’s a cover of Nirvana’s “Lithium” I did (for some reason), and lastly we have the four-song demo I produced and played on (a lot) for my short-lived band called “34 Leaves” whose lead vocalist was Jack Vercelli, who some of you may remember as the minister at my wedding at the Richard Ramirez “Night Stalker” murder house (oh yes, it’s true) in Glendale CA. (Our friends were living there, we didn’t seek out a creepy place to get married or anything like that).
The other musicians are as follows:
The Lizards:
Keith McNulty (Drums), the late Steve Krance (Bass) Steve Armstrong (Lead guitar)
Very special appearances by:
34 Leaves:
Joey Dyer (guitar), Jack Vercelli (Lead Vocals)
Also:
“THE” Marty Kruse (Bass), Tom Lynch (Piano/Keyboards/Guitar)
My thanks go out to: My Mother, My Father, My lovely wife, Linda, My Sisters Jacqui and Sherri, Tracey Trotter, Travis Holder, and my only guitar teacher ever, Vishnuprem. Super special thanks to my Grandmother, Wilma Kinnamon, for tolerating my playing back when I really, really sucked.
Apologies to The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, and Nirvana for daring to even touch their music. Sorry fellas.
That said, I make most of the noises you will hear, and I take full responsibility.
I hope you will at least listen to the whole thing at least once, if not a thousand times. And feel free to make copies for anyone that might care to hear it, with my blessings.
NOTE: If you find you don’t like a song, just wait a minute.
“VIC DEMISE-BOTH”
(Random Acts Of Silence)
Well, here it is. I’m sorry it took so long, as so many of you have asked me for copies of my stuff for years now. I’m a lot of things, but a shameless self-promoter is not one of them. This is not the best; it’s just what I have. Most of these songs were on old cassette tapes and the quality had deteriorated from their original marginal condition. I have done what I could to revive the fidelity and clean up the hiss and hum and bring back some of the brightness and punch. Sometimes the results were just fantastic, and I was able to remove noises and pull out sounds I thought were lost to magnetic decay forever. In other cases I just did the best I could. I sort of got better at the whole preservation thing as I went along, and was even tempted to start the whole project over but a man could lose his mind trying to decide if this sounds better than that…or that.
Eventually you’ve got to just settle for something, and so I have. I hope you all like it. There are four discs in the collection. The first two are all songs written by me, the kind with lyrics. The third disc begins a compilation of instrumental tracks, mostly experiments where I was making it up as I went. sort of. The instrumentals continue into the fourth disc and the there’s a cover of Nirvana’s “Lithium” I did (for some reason), and lastly we have the four-song demo I produced and played on (a lot) for my short-lived band called “34 Leaves” whose lead vocalist was Jack Vercelli, who some of you may remember as the minister at my wedding at the Richard Ramirez “Night Stalker” murder house (oh yes, it’s true) in Glendale CA. (Our friends were living there, we didn’t seek out a creepy place to get married or anything like that).
The other musicians are as follows:
The Lizards:
Keith McNulty (Drums), the late Steve Krance (Bass) Steve Armstrong (Lead guitar)
Very special appearances by:
34 Leaves:
Joey Dyer (guitar), Jack Vercelli (Lead Vocals)
Also:
“THE” Marty Kruse (Bass), Tom Lynch (Piano/Keyboards/Guitar)
My thanks go out to: My Mother, My Father, My lovely wife, Linda, My Sisters Jacqui and Sherri, Tracey Trotter, Travis Holder, and my only guitar teacher ever, Vishnuprem. Super special thanks to my Grandmother, Wilma Kinnamon, for tolerating my playing back when I really, really sucked.
Apologies to The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, and Nirvana for daring to even touch their music. Sorry fellas.
That said, I make most of the noises you will hear, and I take full responsibility.
I hope you will at least listen to the whole thing at least once, if not a thousand times. And feel free to make copies for anyone that might care to hear it, with my blessings.
NOTE: If you find you don’t like a song, just wait a minute.
Sorry I Am
Demise (This was my first attempt at slide guitar)
I can’t feel, and I can’t love
and I can’t raise my eyes above
my own head, my own mind
I can’t think and I can’t find
anyone, or anything
to ease the pain inside of me
Can’t hang on’ can’t let go
and I can’t begin to let you know how
sorry I am,
that I hurt you sometimes,
and I don’t mean it, no-
but it’s easier every time
Yeah, sorry I am
and I’d like to change your mind
but I don’t see it no
and I’m sorry, sorry-
I don’t know but this ain’t me
losin’ my humanity
Stay a while, see the show
We all smile, but we all know
Jesus came, and Jesus tried
And Jesus paid, when Jesus died
Jesus gave, all he had
Jesus saves, and still it’s sad how
sorry I am,
that I hurt you sometimes,
and I don’t mean it, no-
but it’s easier every time
Yeah, sorry I am
and I’d like to change your mind
but I don’t see it no
and I’m sorry, sorry-
Payphone
Demise (T. Lynch-Piano) *“Show business is a hideous bitch-goddess” –George Burns
Misclassification of the thoughts in my head
is easier said than addressed
The payphone in the gas station turned out to be dead
I still picked it up and confessed-
“Jesus, I’m a mess- and I don’t feel blessed-
Is there some reason why you wont let me rest?”
Racked with desperation I got back in my car
And pointed my wheels to the west
Where Hollywood’s mutations walk around on the stars
And feed at the bitch-goddess breast*
Jesus, they’re a mess- and they’re so distressed
Is there some reason for this goddamned test?
A small initiation
A test of my allegiance to the free
An open invitation
to make the best of my reality
A slight miscalculation
Brings the whole thing crashin’ in on me
A minor deviation
Angles off into infinity, forever…
Miscommunication, it’s a beautiful thing:
a reason to sing, I have found
The payphone in the gas station, well it started to ring
Sadly, I was nowhere around
Jesus, what’s that sound- fadin’ into the background?
Is there some reason why you’re letting me down?
I don’t like it
Demise (Thoughts on America’s Drug-War)
He wasn’t hurtin’ nobody
He was catchin’ a buzz
An all-American boy
Till ha got locked-up
He’s doin’ mandatory minimum time
He’s makin’ friends on the inside
Yeah well that’s what he gets
You say he did what he did
But would you still feel the same
if it was your kid?
This holy-war on drugs is over and done
I think the drugs just won
Shout it from the roof
Shout it from the gutter
Take a look around and say’
“I don’t like this.”
Snitchin’ on your mom
Droppin’ on your brother
To the undercover man
It ain’t right
We’ve got the freedom to just say no
But are we free to say yeah?
I don’t like it- no not one bit
I don’t like this shit
I’d sooner piss in your face
than fill your plastic cup
Then you could tell by my taste
if I am fucked-up
If I’m the victim of a victimless crime
]what’s with the hard, hard time?
We wanna turn you all on
You wanna turn us all in
Just cause you make it against the law
Don’t make it a sin
This holy-war on drugs is over and done
It’s time we all had fun
Falling
Demise (K. Mc Nulty-Drums)
Leave me alone
Let me sleep my life away
I don’t wanna face the mornin’
I don’t wanna face the day
Steve isn’t home
No they sent him far away
Just a temporary stay
Just to make his matters gray again
Unplug the phone
Throw the whole damn thing away
I got nuthin’ left to say
I don’t make sense anyway
Deep in my bones
There’s a pain, wont go away
And the doctors that I pay
Offer nuthin’ in the way of hope
How can I dream
when I can’t even sleep- my god is a creep
I’m told that he’s just like me
but that I don’t see, no that couldn’t be
cause I’m on my knees
and I don’t hear him callin’ out for me
She doesn’t know
But she’s sure that there’s a way
And she ain’t to proud to pray
For the man that made her stray
So look out below
Cause I’m fallin’ out of grace
I’ll be landing on my face
Maybe then I’ll know my place
Hey Monkey
Demise (Kind of about a cat, and a junkie)
Hey Monkey,
scratchin’ at my door
Stay Monkey,
you been here before
Hey Monkey,
why you look so bad?
You look to me like Dennis Hopper,
just kicked your ass
Yeah Monkey
I’m your friend
but you know
that it won’t last-
Monkey
Hey Monkey,
you’re always at my feet
Yeah Monkey,
I got somethin’ that you can eat
Hey Monkey,
I give you all I got
but no money
satisfies the want
Yeah Monkey,
I’m your friend
and ya’ know
that says a lot-
Monkey
Babylon
Demise (Music written Sept. 10th- Lyrics written Sept. 11th 2001)
Manhattan city towers standin’ side by side
A monument to all our power, wealth and pride
In my opinion they just build ‘em way to high
But who the hell am I to say?
Yeah, who the hell am I?
Something suicidal came out of the sky
A ball of fire as captured by the camera’s eye
And as we lapsed into to who, what, where and why
Two hundred-twenty floors collapsed in double time
Babylon the great is really fallen, fallen
Babylon the great is truly fallen, fallen
Meanwhile not to far away in Washington
The dogs of war were seated in their Pentagon
And if they’re the ones who claim to know what’s goin’ on
Well who the hell are they daddy, who the hell are they?
Something homicidal came out of the sky
A flaming arrow struck a nation in the side
When trouble-makers find themselves in troubled times
Well who can really say Momma, who can really say?
Well it’s better to be wide-awake than paranoid
And it’s better to be paranoid than be destroyed
But you better learn the methods evil men employ
And you’d better look around, brother, better look around
Something genocidal came out of the blue
And something in my bible’s finally comin’ true
And Nostrodamous made the New York Book Review
But no one had a clue, fuckin’ no one had a clue
Babylon the great is really fallen, fallen
Babylon the great is truly fallen, fallen
Babylon the great has finally fallen, fallen
Babylon the great has fucken’ fallen, fallen
Don’t See Me Now
Demise (K. Mc Nulty-Drums) For Tracey Trotter
You’ve known me a long long time
as long as I’ve known you
and people change, and that’s alright
cause that’s what people do
But lately I find that I
don’t see eye to eye
with the you that I once knew
The you that makes me cry
Don’t see me now
when all my weaknesses abound
Just see around it
You should know what I’m about
To do to you like you do to me
oh, wouldn’t that be fair?
You rub my face in misery
that masquerades as care
Now maybe I’m, out of line
This time you might be right
to bring to light those little things
I try so hard to hide
Don’t see me now
when all my weaknesses abound
Just see around it
You should know what I’m about
You should know I love you…
You should know I love you…
You’ve known me a long long time
As long as I’ve known you
People change, and that’s insane-
There’s nothing you can do
But lately I, find that I,
Don’t see eye to eye,
With the you, that I once knew
The you that makes me cry
(You’re Still) In
Demise
I never wanted to be this way
But I didn’t see it comin’
Only wanted to seize the day
Can’t believe that I was so dumb
As to believe, that you would understand
my dream but I don’t think you can
perceive, the beauty of my plan
but you’re still in
Never wanted to piss you off
I can be such a mother fuck-
I never wanted to twist your love
Just a matter of my dumb luck
That I believed, that you would understand
my needs, but I don’t think you can
perceive, the beauty of my plan
but you’re still in
Never gonna be satisfied
but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up
All I need is to know I tried
Can it possibly be enough
That I believe that you will understand
my dream, but even if you can’t perceive
the beauty of my plan
well you’re still in
Passion and Pride
Demise
I’d like to be the kind of man
that never has to worry
about things like shelter and clothing and doubt
I’d like to be the kind of man
that separates his wants from his needs
I’d like to be the kind of man
who never has to hurry
Where would I run if time was running out?
I’d like to be the kind of man
who never sold his soul out for greed
God once provided,
until men decided
to let it all ride
on their passion and pride
And we keep building higher
to keep from the fire below
And the angels are sent down
into the cement town
protecting the few
who acknowledge the call
And those who despise them
cannot recognize them at all
No not at all
Take it any way you wanna man
I gotta say you’re on a one way trip
to someplace that I’d rather not be myself
Anyone who didn’t know you like I know you
Wouldn’t even take the time of day to tell you
Low Down Dirty Lie
Demise (K. Mc Nulty-Drums/Slide Guitar)
I got a story to tell (It’s not entirely true)
about my personal hell- Be glad it’s not about you
I pull my ass outta bed- I’m feelin’ battered and blue
And I forget what you said- It only mattered to someone who’s not here
I go to get myself dressed, so I can be of some use
My fashion sense is a mess, and where the hell are my shoes?
I go to look for a job, so I can say that I tried
They said, “You look like a slob.” and damned if they weren’t right
Practicality is practically a low down dirty lie
Things go wrong so I don’t try
Sensibility is killin’ me, but it’s keeping me alive
But days like these I’d rather-
Now don’t be touchin’ that dial, my story’s only half done
You’ll soon be crackin’ a smile, cause this is where it gets fun
I ventured into the world, so I could check out the night life
I met a beautiful girl, then I remembered my wife
Practicality is practically a low down dirty lie
Things go wrong so I don’t try
Sensibility is killin’ me, but it’s keeping me alive
Days like these I’d rather-
I took a drive into town, so I could just be alone
I had to turn back around, because my speakers were blown
And when I finally got home, I found a note on my door
It cut me right to the bone, said, “you don’t live here no more”
Practicality is practically a low down dirty lie
Things go wrong so I don’t try
Sensibility is killin’ me, but it’s keeping me alive
But days like these I’d rather- play guitar
I wanna play guitar
Let me play guitar
Black and White
Demise (K. Mc Nulty-Drums/Lead Guitar) This is the ONLY song in this collection recorded in an actual studio
Black and white, there is no line
Fluctuation in my mind
Shining love and shadowed fear
Sounds of laughter, laced with tears
You and me, we had a dream
Slipped away like Vaseline
Sometimes love is so unfair
All I ever did was care for you
Things you told me, they were so untrue
That’s okay cause I was lying too
When I said I couldn’t live without you
Black and white, a photograph
Since you’ve gone, that’s all I have
Lost forever, so it seems
Yet you never left my dreams
Black and white, these words I write
Just don’t seen to make things right
I call your name, but you’re nowhere
Baby I was always there for you
Things you told me they were so untrue
That’s okay cause I was lying too
When I said I couldn’t live without you
Free Stuff-No Cops
Demise (Recorded the week of the L.A. Riots, 1992)
A white cop named “Coon” a black lawyer named “White”
And eighty-one seconds that were shot one night
And we all saw how the scene went down
Except for twelve white people from a “Simi” town
But the trial was held, and the verdict was read
And the newsman on my T.V. said:
“Ya know L.A. ain’t looked this alive
since Watts in 1965”
Well the angry crowd got out of hand
One time when a brother could’ve used the man
But left with a sense of absolute impunity
L.A. seized the opportunity
Glass started breakin’ and the people started takin’
And somethin’ in the back of my mind started sayin’
“This’ll all get worse, before it stops”
cause the T.V. said, “Free stuff, no cops”
Free stuff, no cops- Ooh yeah man
Free stuff, no cops- That’s what my T.V. said
Free stuff, no cops- Too bad man
Free stuff, no cops- That’s what the papers read
Free stuff, no cops- No justice
Free stuff, no cops- That’s what the news man said
Free stuff, no cops- to bust us
Free stuff, no cops- No guilt upon the head
While the animals were lootin’ some people started shootin’
And the city started lookin’ like downtown Beirut
And then the television showed a fire burnin’ on a side-street
Check it out! Yo man, that’s my street!
Pretty soon the whole city was on fire and
Ain’t no one ever heard a siren
There I was just sweatin’ and perspirin’
Feelin’ kind of scared and feelin’ kind of violent
Television said that the man won’t come
So I figured it was time to load my gun
And it’s gonna get worse, before it stops
Cause the T.V. said, “Free stuff, no cops
Drunk
Demise
I done a whole lotta drinkin,
but baby, I ain’t drunk
And no, my shoes ain’t stinkin’
but my feet sure got the funk
I got a hole in my jeans
and another pair in my trunk
I got a habit to feed by the mornin’
or I’ll be sunk, so sunk…
I done a whole lotta drinkin,
but baby, I ain’t drunk
I done a whole lotta thinkin’ about it,
and I don’t know
I mean you’d think by now I’d be drownin’
but it just ain’t so
I gotta hole in my pocket
and another hole in my heart
I got a bottle behind me
and another one in my car, so far…
I done a whole lotta drinkin,
but baby, I ain’t drunk
No Trouble
Demise
When you’re always in the right place, everything is wrong
I’ve been lookin’ for a dark place, that I don’t belong
Longin’ for the sweet taste of oblivion
I know that I’m a hard case, but tell me what is it you want
I was talkin’ to the Devil, on the telephone
He said, “Boy you better level with me, what the hell you on?”
I said, “I’m on my way to Heaven, Lord, I’m on my way to score
And I’m on to you, you son of a- Bet you didn’t know
But that’s cool, don’t want no trouble with you
Yeah, cool, don’t want no trouble with you.”
I was drinkin’ in my front yard, workin’ on my Dodge Dart
Lookin’ for a spare part, somethin’ like a new car
Singin’ in a sport-bar, temporary rock star
I don’t know who you are, so tell me what is it you want
I was rockin’ with the Devil, to the radio
He said, “Boy this isn’t heroin, it’s only rock n roll”
I told him I’m not holdin’ but I showed him where to go
Said, “I wouldn’t wanna be ya’ but I’ll see ya’ at the show”
He said, “Cool. Don’t want no trouble with you-
Yeah cool- Don’t want no trouble with you.”
When you’re always in the wrong place, everything is right
It’s just another hard day, and just another night
And it’s lookin’ like your girlfriend’s lookin’ for a fight
So before your little world ends, you better find out what she wants
So I’m lookin’ like the Devil, to society
But everybody’s criminal, just for being free
Pleadin’ with the cop until we finally cop a plea
And I’d appreciate it kindly if you wouldn’t mention me
And that’s cool- Don’t want no trouble with you
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s cool- Don’t want no trouble with you
Fuck You
Demise ( I hope to get Tom Waits to record this someday)
Like a five o’clock shadow, on the face of a drag-queen
A scab on the lip of a beautiful girl
Like a cigarette butt, in a fresh cup of coffee
I don’t belong in this world
Kids with machine guns, remote controlled meat-grinders
Whatever happened, to bottles and stones?
The bottles are empty, the Stones have grown old
And I’m tired of singin’ alone
So fuck you, I’m leavin’, cause you don’t believe in me
Now I don’t even believe in myself
Love shouldn’t have to be, such a catastrophe
You never asked for me, and that’s just as well
If you can love this, broken-down body
And you can love this, evil mind
And I can still make you wanna do such naughty things
At least some of the time
But I’m a nightmare, in the morning
But I’m a mournful man at night
Exceedingly prayerful in times you’re not there for me
So I guess that you’re mine
But just cause I fuck you, it don’t mean I love you
And just cause you’re crying, don’t mean that I don’t
Sorry to suck you in, but I’m not above you
Cause I say I’m leaving- and you know I won’t
So fuck you I’m leavin’, cause you don’t believe in me
Now I don’t even believe in myself
You’ve got too much class to be, shakin’ your ass for me
It’s been a blasphemy, see you in hell
Chernobyl
Demise (S. Armstrong-Delayed Guitar)
Over your head
Up in the clouds
A blanket of death
A nuclear shroud
It’s a product of progress
A product of greed
It was only the Russians
But it could have been me
In Chernobyl
The town of Chernobyl
In the land of Kiev
A little misfortune
Now they’re holding their breath
And just like their banner
Their sky has turned red
And so have their faces
Except for the dead
In Chernobyl
Destination Nowhere
Demise
Destination nowhere
My motivation’s gone
Deep inside I just don’t care
But still I carry on
Sure wish I was somewhere
Somewhere I belong
Somewhere I could be myself but
Still I’m here and I’m not clear on
Where I should go
What I should do
Heading for nowhere
How about you?
Where do I go? What do I do?
Gotta go somewhere
But nowhere will do
Right behind me, don’t remind me
I don’t wanna know
They just want my soul
But it’s already sold
Just above me, that’s who loves me
That don’t ever change
Though it may sound strange
Stays the same, but please explain
Where I should go
What I should do
Heading for nowhere
How about you?
Where do I go? What do I do?
Gotta go somewhere
But nowhere will do
Not any More
Demise (T. Lynch-Piano)
God only knows why you’re alive
God only knows why you’re still breathin’
If you’ve got a mind left in your mind
You might have noticed we’re all seethin’
And I could tell you it’s alright
But that ain’t so and ya’ know it
Now only you can change your life
I may care but I just can’t show it- show it
No not any more
Lookin’ into your wasted eyes
I realize that you don’t hear me
But while you were out we all got wise
Don’t even want your guitar near me
And I could tell you it’s alright
But that ain’t so and ya’ know it
Now only you can change your mind
I may care but I just can’t show it- show it
No not any more
God only knows where you’ll go now
Even the County Jail don’t need you
Probably end up back downtown
If I come around I just might see you
But I wont tell you it’s alright
Cause that ain’t so and ya’ know it
Now only you can save your life
I may care but I just can’t show it- show it
No not any more
Say
Demise (Probably the first time I sang along with myself)
Say what you wanted to say to me
When we were standing in
The library that day
I remember the dress you wore
I remember it made me sore
To see you look that way
Say what you wanted to say to me
My mind is fixed entirely
On anything that you might say
It makes me sore to see you look that way
And I- wonder if I’m ever gonna get my head together
But I guess I’d better try
And I- wonder if I’m ever gonna tear myself apart
From the poison and the lies
And I…
Reflections on a failed relationship in an empty driveway
Demise (T. Lynch-Piano)
It’s a kick in the ass, It’s a kick in the head
She rolled up the glass, turned the key
and away she sped
If I’d had any class I would have been offended
but it seems like I’m always the last one to know
when a good thing’s ended
She, had a way she could say without speaking
a single word to me
Me, I’m afraid that she knows what I’m thinking
cause I’m thinking of how she don’t care any more what I think
Guess I’ll go in the house and get back into bed
just as soon as I’ve read and then burned every book
that she’s ever read
Just like drinking the blood of a foe who is dead
although that sort of ritual
does tend to leave your face red
She, had a way she could say without speaking
A single word to me
We, never could get along without drinking
And I’m thinkin’ of pumpin’ myself full of somethin’ right now
It’s like kickin’ a drug when you’re losin’ a girl
But it’s better than kickin’ her ass in the scheme of the world
Girls Always Know
Demise (I know, It’s long)
I say the words “I love you”-
Ya’ know I do
and I could be anything,
long as I’m something to you
I’ve been in love before,
but never true
I’ve been in love before but I never did have a clue
till the night I went home with you- you were makin’ it all come true
but I never knew love- no I never knew love till October, or was it November?
Does it matter all that much? Cause I don’t remember
And I can’t recall to save my soul- Just the same, girls always know
No I can’t recall to save my soul- Just the same, girls always know
Her body makes me feel- She makes me feel like god almighty
Her body makes me feel- She makes me feel like Lucifer
Her body makes me feel- She makes me feel like Jesus Christ
Her body makes me feel- She makes me feel I’ll come again
(Her body- Come again)
She looks good to me, when she needs me
and she needs me, believes in me
So I stay up late and I masturbate with my guitar, this is her fate
Till the morning sky begins to glow, and then I can sleep all day
Sleep all day
She looks good to me, when she needs me
And she needs me, believes in me
But I gotta get up, Gotta get up, Gotta get- Gotta get up!
But I gotta get up, Gotta get up, Gotta get- Gotta get up!
Sleep all day…
And she needs me- believes in me
Sincerely
Demise
Well I’m tryin’ to make myself better
I’m tryin’ to keep my head above water
I’m dyin’ to just give in, it’s been a long, long time
But damned if I’m not
tryin’ to keep it together
I’m tryin’ to make this rhyme, but why bother
I’m dyin’ to just forget that it’s just one more line,
and speak my mind…
Sincerely- before I lose my nerve
Stand near me- I’d almost formed the words
so clearly- now you can rest assured
you’ll hear me, if ever I remember what it was
Well I’m tryin’ to shake off the weather
I’m tryin’ to wait till it gets a bit hotter
Relying upon the seasons
to bring reason to my life
and I’m eyein’ this bottle of whiskey
and I’m tryin’ to see some sign of my father
Been lying’ about the sin I’m in, so I’ve sinned again
I just can’t win
Sincerely- before I lose my nerve
Stand near me- I’d almost formed the words
so clearly- now you can rest assured
you’ll hear me, if ever I remember what it was
well I’m tryin’ to make myself better
I’m tryin’ to keep my head above water
I’m tryin’ to make myself better
I’m tryin’ to keep my head above water
I’m tryin’ to make myself better
I’m tryin’ to keep my head
It could be worse
Demise (T. Lynch- Piano)
Hangin’ at the end of my rope
I tied a knot, and let go
of everything but my hope
It was not a lot to drop
So I keep reminding myself-
Yeah I keep reminding…
Empty, at the end of my day
I did not use again
but it won’t go away
this drug abuse intent
So I keep reminding myself-
Yeah I keep reminding myself
It could be worse, I could be dead
There could be worms inside my head
Just one more verse…
Branded till the end of my years
I hide it well, but sometimes
you can tell by my tears
when they’re sliding down my face
so I keep reminding myself
Nothing is the end of the world
And everything is fine
I’m a pig before pearls
the rest is in my mind
So I keep reminding myself
Yeah I keep reminding myself
It could be worse, I could be dead
There could be worms inside my head
Just one more verse
It could be worse
Your Own Dumb Way
Demise (K. Mc Nulty- Drums)
Take a walk in the rain, it’s okay
to get wet, try to let yourself
out of your mind
but if you can’t take the rain anymore
you just say so…
…and I’ll take you inside,
where you’ll be warm and dry
Take a ride on the bus, you can trust
All of us to awake you when
Your stop arrives
But if you wake up to find you’re alone,
far from home…
…well I’ll give you a ride,
and it’ll be alright
you may believe you’re dying- I may believe you’re right
Think about what you’re thinking right now
Tell me how, you allow the blind
Leading the blind
But if you can’t find your way anymore
You just say so…
…and I’ll turn on a light,
and it’ll be alright
Take a look at your life as a book
Does it cook? Would you bother to
read it again?
But if you just can’t pretend how it ends
Makes you happy…
…continue to write,
and it’ll be alright
No need to keep on crying- No need to dry your eyes
You know when you’ve been lying- You know when you’ve been wise
Like back when you were fryin’- Way back when you got high
When you were so damned sly in your own dumb way
So how are you tonight?
This Perfect Day
Demise (T. Lynch- Piano and Lead Guitar))
Sunshine, green ocean, blue skies, above me
Headlines, have no notion, of how fine, life can be
Now is the moment, the moment is now
and every second there in between
Up in the morning, till I fall back down
I live in a perpetual dream
And I never understood why I never got a letter
but maybe it was better that way
and I was feeling pretty bad, but now I’m feeling better
Gonna get it all together someday- yeah
This perfect day
I will surrender my will to my ways
Right where I lay
I will belong…
My mind, is open, so wide, you can see
Inside, where I’m hopin’, to find, that you’re just like me
Stop for a minute and sit yourself down
and get yourself into the scene
Then a little later when we come-around
we can talk about what went in-between
And I never understood why I never got a letter
but maybe I’m the better for that
And I was feeling pretty good, but now I’m feeling better
than a monkey in a tin-foil hat- yeah-
This perfect day
I will surrender my will to my ways
Right where I lay
I will belong…
Lost the Feeling
Demise (K. Mc Nulty- Drums)
If I could purge my soul
Put all my hate in a big black hole
If I could- let it go
If I could find where I lost control
If I could ease my doubt
I will have figured the whole thing out
but now I just don’t know
but now I just don’t know
And I feel as though I’ve, lost the feeling
that tells me how I feel at all
and now I don’t know, how I feel at all
And this state of mind that I’m revealing
never was concealed at all
Still I don’t know, how I feel
Why couldn’t you be wrong?
You always said I would be this way
Why couldn’t I be strong?
Cause I believe every word you say
Why couldn’t I be right?
I always thought that you were my friend
Why couldn’t you be mine,
when I’ve got nothing but good intentions?
And I feel as though I’ve, lost the feeling
that tells me how I feel at all
Now I don’t know, how I feel at all
But the wounds are dry, and the scabs are healing
and someday I might peel them off
but still I don’t know, how I feel
And I feel as though I’ve, lost the feeling
that tells me how I feel at all
and now I don’t know, how I feel at all
And this state of mind that I’m revealing
never was concealed at all
Still I don’t know, how I feel
Linda’s Song
Demise
Well I, got myself a bible
Got a pair of old blue jeans
Got no money, got three guitars
And the same old crazy dreams
Oh I’m gonna make then cry
Oh I’m gonna make them try
To believe
Baby like you believe in me
Tell me what more can there be?
I Can Tell
Demise (S. Armstrong- Lead Guitar)
I can tell if you walk out
you won’t be comin’ back
and I can tell if you come back
it’ll never, be the same again
then again it’s all the same
when you’re lookin’ for someone to blame
I can’t promise if you stay
the strain would go away
but I know if you should leave
I will never, be the same again
then again it’s all the same
when you’re lookin’ for someone to blame
I can tell if you walk out
you won’t be comin’ back
and I can tell if you come back
it’ll never, be the same again
then again it’s all the same
when you’re lookin’ for someone to blame
Given Time
Demise (This song was one of my first home recordings, and sort of led to all the rest)
I recall, when I was young
and no eternal shadows hung
above our heads
it was easy
but given time, we all break down
and bitterness, is passed around
between our souls
And all the while we struggle for control
and all we know is that we’ll never know
and I feel as though I’ve dug myself a hole
Once upon a better time
back in 1969
I was four, and I was fine
believe me
but given time, we all get wise
and adolescent alibis
just won’t go (any more)
And all the while we struggle for control
and all we know is that we’ll never know
and I feel as though I’ve dug myself a hole
yeah I feel as though I’ve dug myself a hole
Lullaby For Lucifer
Demise
And so goodbye
You won’t be catchin’ me cryin’
Cause after all of your lyin’
I’m finally seein’ the light
Now let me be
I ain’t got nothin’ to say to you
Hell no I’m not gonna pray to you
It took a long, long time to get you out of my mind
And now you’re gone
You know that I’ll carry on
You’ve done me nothin’ but wrong
But I’ll be there at the dawn
Now let me be
I don’t want nothin’ to do with you
I’ll be so glad to be through with you
It took a long, long time to get you out of my mind
So step aside
This ain’t no matter of pride
There’s nothin’ left to decide
I’ve taken my last ride
Now let me be
I never really did care for you
And I’m not here to be there for you
It took a long, long time to get you out of my mind
Jesus
Demise (Note the Sax and Toy Banjo)
Jesus
Jesus
Where are you now?
Please bring me down
Jesus
Jesus
Where are you now?
Please bring me down
The Lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want
The Lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want
The Lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want
But I wanna come down
But I wanna come down
But I wanna come down right now
Jesus bring me down]
Jesus bring me down
Jesus bring me down
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I shall fear no evil
I shall fear no evil
I shall fear no evil
Harder
Demise (My first computer-based song)
Wow
Keeps getting’ harder
Just gets easier
Ooh
(I probably didn’t need to type these lyrics, but it’s just so funny)
If I- Will You?
Demise (A slow, weird version of a very different song)
If I call out,
Will you hear me?
If I let you see my dark side,
Will you fear me?
If I touch you,
Will you feel me?
If I show you where the pain is,
Will you heal me?
If I transmit,
Will you receive?
If I witness,
Will you believe?
(If I trust you,
Will you deceive me?
If I love you,
Girl will you leave?)
If I scream
Will you help me?
If I ask you for an answer
Will you tell me?
If I dream
Will it free me?
If I shine amidst this chaos
Will you see me
If I drop right down
to my knees
If I beg you,
If I say please
Will you love me,
Or is it that easy?
Come on darlin’,
That’s all I need
Real Life
Demise (K. Mc Nulty- Drums. This is actually TWO TAKES of the song, recorded at different places, on different days, that incredibly, synced-up!)
Do you like livin’ life
the way that we’re livin’ life now?
We sit home every night,
staring at the black and white,
We’re a couple of cows
While the real world passes us by
Ya know I sometimes just wanna cry
Ya know I’ve tried near everything
and all I wanna do is sing loud
but the bills keep stackin’ up
the good times are backin’ up
I just don’t know how
But there’s a real world right outside
I want to feel like a part of it every night
I want a real life baby, I feel life callin’ to me
Ya know it can’t smell like a rose
livin’ with a sociopath
But when we never go anywhere,
how am I supposed to care
if I’m in need of a bath?
Cause there’s a real world under my nose
You can stay if you wanna but let me go
I want a real life baby, I feel life callin’ to me
Do you like livin’ life
the way that we’re livin’ life now?
We sit home every night,
you and me we’re such a sight
Don’t you wanna get out?
Cause there’s a real world just out the door
Ya know I don’t know what we’ve been waitin’ for
I want a real life baby, I feel life callin’ to me
Letter To Joe
Demise(“So cool it’s stupid!” Copyright 2001)
Well I got so cool that I got stupid
I made the same mistakes as you did
All’s I know is I got through it
I made my bed, there’s no more lyin’
Now I’m not clean, but I’ve been tryin’
Always something I’m relying on
Well I wrote this on a borrowed banjo
It sounds like shit, but man oh man Joe
it don’t know the glory of your hands
I traded in my drugs for four different pills
and now I can’t do nothin’ God doesn’t will
So praise the Lord
and c’mon back to California
I’m so bored
but hey man, that’s not what’s important
It’s the words that make the song
It’s the hurt that don’t belong
Hey Joe you don’t go solo till you’re gone
Well I hope you still got all your fingers
cause there’s this melody that lingers
I should know, I was the singer, well anyway
Now I’ve lost track of everything
My past is like a broken string
and pearls of memory fall to the floor
And I’ve lost track of everybody
I ain’t seen Jack in ages
but if sentiment’s contagious, he might call
If Heaven’s all around us we sure
took one major fucken’ detour
If you see Magda, don’t believe her
Hard (Live)
S. Armstrong-Music/V. Demise- Lyrics (This was my favorite song to sing live)
This is me,
standin’ on a plywood platform
This is me,
my love
This is me-
Don’t you ask me what did I do that for
Cause this is me,
my love
And it’s, so hard,
to live with my weakness,
and it’s, so hard,
dealin’ with you
and I work, so hard,
it drains the uniqueness
from my, guitar-
Baby let me play it for you
And it’s, so hard
I feel so defeated
Cause it’s, so hard
What can I do?
And my- my guitar
Who the hell needs it?
I’m no- rock star
And neither are you
