My Demise- By "Vic" Demise

21 & 24's Wonderful Christmas (Mature)

2011-12-20T16:09:00.000-08:00

2011-12-12T15:36:00.000-08:00

Say what now?

2011-12-08T23:52:00.000-08:00

XYZ

2011-12-08T23:49:00.001-08:00

I think he heard me.

2011-12-07T00:17:00.001-08:00

The smell of Venture compounds?

2011-12-06T23:39:00.000-08:00

I'm Rusty-Without Typos(?)

2011-09-23T20:24:00.001-07:00

I'm Rusty!!!

2011-09-23T06:42:00.001-07:00

PRIMAL SCREENS

2011-09-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

Taken from Google Earth- this was treated with Photoshop.
This is the old Oregon Brass Works building, and the lower floor is the home of Primal screens, my buddies Silkscreen shop, whom I have honor of working with.

The house of hallucinations

2011-09-22T23:01:00.000-07:00

This is the house where my grandmother's best friend lived.
She took in a refugee from Poland who, in the early 1980s, was to be one of my dearest friends.
We would spend hours together, playing Beatles songs on guitar (he was the closest thing I has to a teacher- and I did my best to help him learn English),smoking pot, drinking (magic) mushroom tea- or tripping on acid.
One night, the house's owner, Mae (who's daughter is an artist/author and did covers for the Buffalo Springfield)came up and knocked on the door.
We were smoking pot, burning incense, had various colored lightbulbs burning, and were "tripping balls"- so we kind of paniced.
We opened the door and she says, "I just thought you boys would be interested to know that one time my daughter Evie had a buch of guys up here- that turned out to be The Grateful Dead."
So many memories.
This was taken from google maps and then photoshopped to this (I had to remove cars and signs and things). I rather like the result.

Legend in my own mind...

2011-09-19T23:44:00.000-07:00

I really wish i could say this was entirely my art, but I grabbed it from an incedible artist's site, and I don't even think it's actually hers. Her name is Pamalina H. and she does some incredible things to guitars.
I took a rather flat (but awesome) version, and photoshopped the HELL out of it, to give it the depth you see here, and then slapped my name on it, cause I'm cool enough to warrant it.

Sometimes I forget that I HAVE a blog.

2011-09-17T11:40:00.000-07:00

Wow.
Thing sure were depressing when last I posted.
A total stranger commented out of concern for my well-being.
(That was really sweet by the way)

Things are really much better than they've been in - decades?

My wife got the job she wanted (union!) and I'm doing work as an artist for a screenprinting shop. It's not music, but at least it's art.

2009-10-19T11:15:00.001-07:00

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..........

2009-10-14T20:52:00.000-07:00

Yeah, sorry. Things just ain't workin' out here, or there, or anywhere.
I honestly keep considering the "easy" option. That'd be the one where I take a SHITLOAD of pills and call it a day. No one cares, or understands, or can offer any advice.
I came here to Portland (1000 miles) hoping to make a fresh start of things, but it isn't going very well.
There is nowhere in the world for me to be happy. I have been through , what, like, 22 years (?) of stinking HELL, and the only thing keeping me even halfway sane is my sense of humour, and that has worn very thin.
My buddy offered to let me and the wife come here, but since I arrived I have had like maybe three decent nights sleep.
The kid, their kid, drives me fuckin' nuts. I don't even know what to say on that matter. Understandably it's a touchy issue. Let's just say she gets away with murder compared to ANY child I have known (bearing in mind that I have made it a point to avoid children for most of my life). She does things that are at best, unsafe, and at worst, potentially deadly. If you don't give the kid her way, she throws a fucking fit, yet if I even suggest, as carefully as I can, that she's, lacking discipline (spoiled), well... as I said, a touchy issue.
I'm ready to pack my shit and get the hell out of here. My wife can do what she wants- I don't care.
I don't have enough gas to get out of the county probably, so what do I do? Having not slept properly in over three months, I don't think I'm thinking all that clearly.

I'm just so goddamned sick of it all.

Thanks for listening.

A bad case of the "fuck-it's"

2009-10-14T16:32:00.000-07:00

Not feelin' so great today.
In fact I'm hating my existence. Today is my father's birthday. He probably hardly even knows it though. Almost precisely a year ago, he suffered some sort of cardiac event, which stopped his heart, and breathing, thus screwing up his brain/memory.
He just got secretly shuttled to San Jose California to stay with his sister, my aunt, who is taking care of him. He had been in a treatment facility in Florida, but all they did (for 5,000 dollars a month) was to let him sleep for the most part. My aunt figured, hell, he could do that at home, and for free.
Any way, that's not what has me down. It's the Portland employment situation, my health (or lack thereof) and our finances (non-existent). We can afford maybe two packs of cigarettes, or a half-tank of gas and then we're busted-FLAT busted.
My wife just got an interview at, of all places, a fucking sex shop. We do that tomorrow. And there went the gas in the tank. I just popped two and a half pain pills, just because. There are indeed times I consider taking a lot more than that. A LOT more.
Life goes on, and on, and on, and...it just never really gets any better it seems.

Them pills ought to be kickin' in here soon, and then with any luck, I wont give a shit about anything.

Portland

2009-10-10T23:58:00.000-07:00

I'm so fucking happy to be out of Temecula (CA) I can't tell you.
However, the job hunting has been somewhat discouraging to say the least. The wife was hoping that her 22 years of bookstore experience would make landing a job at (The world famous) Powell's Books a cinch. To date, she has had three interviews with Powell's and no bites. I have had even less luck than her. All job applications are done online these days, so you fill out an application, and shoot it off into the void, and then hope to get a response. There are so many people looking for work right now that it's rough for someone like me, with little experience, I mean, some retail, some food service, but being a songwriter (with writer's-block no less) and an aspiring animator, prospects are not so shiny.
I did finish a song, and that's pretty impressive I guess. I'll share it with you now:

“NOW HERE I AM”

David P Cohen Jr/Vic Demise

Never gonna be what you want to be

not until you want to be you

And all the disappointment that's haunted me

isn't even close to the truth

And I don't really know when it dawned on me

maybe when I wrote this tune

The only thing that ever belonged to me... ...and that would be the moment

-and I don't even own it

Now I've gone and blown it

the moment's passing

I think of all the people I used to be

and I don't even know who I am

Guess I'm gonna be who I choose to be

Trouble is I've got no plans

Now I'm the only one that's abusing me

cause I'm the only one who can

Try to keep ahead of what used to be... ...and focus on the moment

but I can never hold it

Now I've gone and blown it

the moment's passing

and I don't want to be here now

No I- don't want to be here now

Now here I am

Better not to think about history

Shouldn't oughtta waste any time

Tomorrow is an unsolved mystery

Try to keep your mind on your mind

Nothin' more elusive than this to me

think about it now and you'll find

what a dirty mind-fuck your bliss can be... ...living in the moment

like you've never known it

Suddenly you've blown it

the moment's passed

and I don't want to be here now

No I- don't want to be here now

Now here I am

Intro/Chorus:

G#maj7-D7 G#maj7-D7

G#7 G7

Verse A:

Dm-Cm D#m-G Dm-Cm D#m-G

Dm-Cm D#m-G Dm-Cm D#m-

Verse B:

G Bm F C

So, there.

2009-09-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

Here's another cartoon for you kids!!

2009-09-13T12:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, here it is. ALL 80 of my re-mastered songs:

This player will go through all 80 songs in alphabetical order.

For a better looking player, (with all the titles), go to:

http://www.archive.org/details/VicDemiseneithernorAndboth

and don't forget all the lyrics are here on this blog, somewhere.

Enjoy!!!

V.D.

Bright Eyes Lyrics Widget

2009-04-12T13:54:00.000-07:00

Lyrics | Bright Eyes lyrics - Conor Oberst lyrics

Restraining order? I'll take two!

2009-03-03T21:28:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this from Los Angeles, rather than from HOME, because that a**hole has struck again. I refer to My wife's psycho uncle, Robert. I had this whole thing cleared up, and he starts a whole new chapter.
Simply put, the prick cut my power line between the pole and my house. So once again I come home to a refrigerator full of questionably fresh groceries. I manage to find two heavy duty extension cords that I run out to the pole so I can have some light and run my fridge, and proceed to call the police AGAIN.
The report made, I figure that's the end of it, for today at least.
All of a sudden, my power dies, and a few seconds later, the jerk throws open MY WINDOW, and reaches in to MY HOME, and disconnects the cord from the power strip, and proceeds to just walk off with it! I go outside and there he is, walking and winding my cords up. I can't believe this guy! So , I tell him I'm calling the police again (technically, the Deputies) and he says to me, "I'm gonna call the cops on YOU!" Yeah, as if.
I just can't believe the white trash factor this man, and his spawn, have brought into our lives. I want to do things, bad things, but I know that would only backfire, as it always does for people, so I will make certain that we don't get his scum on us. Keep everything LEGAL. It takes more time, but then you're protected from yourself. If I went and beat the piss out of him, I would be on the shit end of the justice system. I will let him hang himself with his own stupidity. I just want him to end up in JAIL, and the longer the better. This crap has gone on for YEARS now, constant stalking and harassment. Only now have we gotten the law involved (though many other tenants out there where I live have filed various complaints) and I don't ever want to get the law involved if I can avoid it. Sigh.... I'm done for now.

Got to get this off my chest…

2009-02-17T03:07:00.001-08:00

I went out to go pick up my wife from work, and my 1964 Dodge Dart had sunk into the soaked ground, and of course it only got worse when I tried to give it some gas…Forward…Reverse…Nothin’ (Well, actually it sank even more) Here’s a photo of my beloved car in happier days:

After digging in the mud, in the dark, with my bare hands, gettin f*ckin’ FILTHY, I gave up for the night. The wife caught a ride home with a fellow worker, and I will try again tomorrow to figure out how to get it out, without paying a tow truck.

My wife’s uncle actually has a tractor out here on the property, but the assh*le is such a tweaked-out speed freak jerk, that he would just laugh at us and our problem. I actually caught his son stealing our hot water heater this morning! Really!! Yeah, I went out to see what this odd noise was, and it was the son, (my wife’s cousin), and the water heater was actually GONE. I said, “What the hell happened to our water heater?” and he swore he didn’t know, yet about ten minutes later, he brings it back!! Can you believe this crap? A few days ago we had to throw out a whole freezer’s worth of food that had been thawed out several times because they (The tweaker uncle and his thieving son) had messed up the electricity (don’t ask) and if that wasn’t enough, these freaks, (well the uncle freak) took the rotten food out of the dumpster, and ATE IT!! (Had I known they were gonna do that, I’d have pissed in, and on, all the food. Oh well. Next time.

By the way, everyone wants to be famous, right? So I’ll tell you their names:

This is ROBERT VINCENT ENO (Looks like he made another dumpster score! “We’re eatin’ tonight kids!!” Shame, just cause it’s in a shopping cart don’t make it groceries, just GROSS!)

and this is his son, BOBBY ENO (Following in his father’s footsteps!)

I do think it’s sort of mean to talk about people behind their backs like this, but frankly these jerks have been pains in the asses of both my wife and myself for over ten years now, so screw them. Really. No, screw them.

Once, the Uncle (ROBERT ENO) turned off the water during a winter freeze, and blew up our plumbing. Idiot. My wife’s cousin (BOBBY ENO) broke into our house, at least once, and stole one of my special plants, a very special, special plant. There have been so many idiotic episodes caused by these pricks and I have NEVER done ANYTHING to get back at them (yet). What really gets me, is that we’ve never done anything to them ever except be nice and civil to them despite all of their transgressions, and yet they seem to just hate me and my wife. I don’t know why, and at this point I don’t care why. I just wish they would die from eating garbage or something. I for the most part detest violence, and yet the things they do make me so angry that I have sat and thought of doing all sorts of things to them…UGLY things. Violent, nasty, twisted things. Instead I will write about them in cyberspace. (I hear that once it’s out there on the net, it’s there FOREVER. Neato!

I guess I feel a little better now.

Sometimes I doodle…

2009-02-16T19:34:00.001-08:00

Been a while

2009-02-16T19:06:00.001-08:00

Since no one even reads this blog, it hardly matters that I don’t keep it updated with my life’s doings and happenings etc. but I have this groovy new app(lication) that allows me to compose for this blog while offline that allows me to see how it’ll appear. Neato!

Life. Life, is a BITCH. It’s one goddamned thing after another after another. We got our beloved 1964 Dodge Dart running and it only cost about $1,100.00 and took a month and a half. The mechanic never even figured out what the problem was (LAME!) and I did a lot of the work myself. You don’t care, and I don’t blame you.

I need to make this entry more interesting, but HOW?

I could talk about how I got the clap from my wife, who got it from Jody Foster, but that would be a lie. I had been working on my cartoon, “Castle Whackula” which is now like over eight minutes long now (That took a month to do) but I took a break waiting for inspiration in regards to where the plot ought to go. I made it up as I went along, with no idea as to where the story was headed and so far so good. Now I just need to FINISH the damned thing!

Here’s a still shot from it, and one shot that’s not from it.

MORE OF THAT STUFF I DO....Click and BEHOLD!!

2008-12-08T22:00:00.000-08:00

My most important discovery- EVER

2008-11-16T18:57:00.000-08:00

Science, specifically the field of astronomy, seems to have concluded that we live in what is termed as an "expanding universe." This may be due to the "Big Bang" which is believed to have brought our universe into existence.
When astronomers observe this expanding universe, they see an amazing phenomenon. All of the solar systems, galaxies, and other galactic flotsam in our universe, is, for some reason, moving away from us. Now that's odd.
Why, is the whole universe, not only expanding, but expanding away from us?
I pondered this notion for quite some time, then, in a blinding flash of insight, like that of Einstein, Kepler, Galileo, or Newton, it hit me; our universe, somehow possesses an innate knowledge of itself, and of everything contained in it, even our relatively tiny, insignificant, little planet Earth, and it would appear that the universe "knows" that, this planet, sucks.

2008-11-13T14:16:00.000-08:00

Facebook me!

2008-11-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

Here's a little cartoon I made. Sorry there's no dialogue.

ASIFA-Hollywood Animation Archive: Meta: The $100,000 Animation Drawing Course- Lesson 1

2008-06-28T04:11:00.000-07:00

ASIFA-Hollywood Animation Archive: Meta: The $100,000 Animation Drawing Course- Lesson 1
This is just fantastic- and I've barely even looked around yet. I am new to animation having been a musician for the last, like, quarter of a century (as well as a producer and engineer). I used to love drawing as a child, but got into music because it seemed more "dimensional" to me. Thanks to computers, ang great software like Gimp, Blender, and others, I"m gonna try to bring my doodles to life. I've done a few things, just short experiments ( http://www.youtube.com/victordemise ) as well as some CRUDE stuff here on my blog.
I hope the quality of my work will improve- A LOT- after I study these lessons. Glad I found the ASIFA site. Let's see where it takes me!

A song for the fun of it.

2008-03-14T01:53:00.000-07:00

Click the pic.. It's freakin' SICK!

2008-02-24T02:28:00.000-08:00

CLICK THE PIC...

2008-01-10T04:15:00.000-08:00

This one shows the "X3" experimental jet plane as it seems to un-cloak (due to a transparency error on my part) and then begins to hover...or whatever. I like the way the cockpit window is transparent. Not a great piece of art, but I'm more trying to work out the basics of animating using layers like cells.

Twelve-Step Programing (Hahaha!!)

2008-01-10T02:38:00.000-08:00

CLICK ME!

Then follow the bouncing ball...

TWELVE STEP PROGRAMING

2008-01-10T02:33:00.000-08:00

Click me!!

Click the bottom pic to animate....

2008-01-10T01:56:00.000-08:00

Yet another in a series of lame animations I have created to test one thing or another. CLICK the image with the missle, or rocket, and it'll run. Sort of pointless, but hey, dig that background...in fact here's another background too (no animation) and the same one with a sort of shuttle cockpit from an animation I never really finished, so I recycled the ship.

A message from SOULBOT (H.E.L.P.er)...

2008-01-09T22:53:00.001-08:00

Another attempt at getting a simple animation to run automatic-like on this here blog pagey thing you're looking at right now. If it's not animating, give it a click-I think it'll run in a new window. (Don't expect anything great, this was only a test)

Whatever...Nevermind.

2008-01-07T17:22:00.000-08:00

Hope this worked...

2008-01-03T17:46:00.000-08:00

This was supposed to be animated, and it IS, just give it a click and it will run in a new window (I havent figured out this animated gif file thing yet, but, hey, I'm workin' on it!)

My new toy.

2007-11-30T20:18:00.000-08:00

I recently got myself a digital art tablet thing ("Genius 6"x 8", $48.00 from Amazon.com) and this is my first drawing/painting I've done so far. I used "The Gimp" open-source (i.e: FREE!) GNU Image Manipulation Program, which is nice, but the tablet comes with trial versions of Adobe and Corell products that seem REALLY cool! I have yet to create anything with those yet, but here's the one I did with Gimp.

After I had finished the initial picture, I thought it looked like the cover of a 1960's pulp porn paperback book, so I set out to make it REALLY look like one. I was rather pleased with the result.

ANIMATIONS!

2007-10-04T01:19:00.000-07:00

Check out http://www.youtube.com/victordemise where I will be archiving my progress with BLENDER. That assumes that there will indeed be progress. I promise to keep it interesting, if not altogether inspired. Blah blah blah...

My new hobby: creating things that don't exist.

2007-09-26T01:37:00.000-07:00

Initially, I just wanted some software that would allow me to do some simple two-dimentional animation, but my buddy found this "Blender" software and I thought, "What the hell..." Now, about three weeks into my studies (there are a LOT of tutorials and help files out there) I'm beginning to get a slight grip on the software's interface, though you should really see some of the truly amazing things people are doing with it. The software is free, but be warned, the better your system, the faster, your renderings will be. Some of these took me a few minutes to design, but much l o n g e r to render (animations in particular).

Simply put, the more complex your subject is, the more time it will take. LOTS of MEMORY and a FAST proscessor are really going to enhance your experience greatly. The user interface is BRILLIANT, yet really complicated to master, I assume, as I have yet to master it. This is what I initially wanted a computer for, back in like, 1990, when I got my 486 DX2 with 4 megs of ram and a 213 mb hard drive (only cost us $1,500.00)

Go to Blender.org if you're so inclined. Have fun!

2007-09-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

Vic demise-“Neither”, “Nor”, and “Both”
Song List for the four disc collection:

DISC ONE

1. Only Rock and Roll (Intro)
2. Sorry I Am
3. Payphone
4. I Don’t like It
5. Falling
6. Hey Monkey
7. Babylon (3 Verse Version)
8. Don’t See Me Now
9. (You’re Still) In
10. Passion and Pride
11. Low Down Dirty Lie
12. Black and White
13. Free Stuff-No Cops
14. Drunk
15. No Trouble
16. Fuck You
17. Chernobyl (Original Demo)
18. Destination Nowhere
19. Not Any More
20. Say
21. Reflections On A Failed Relationship In An Empty Driveway

DISC TWO

1. Girls Always Know
2. Sincerely
3. It Could Be Worse
4. Your own Dumb Way
5. This Perfect Day
6. Lost The Feeling
7. Linda’s Song
8. I Can Tell
9. Given Time
10. Lullaby For Lucifer
11. Jesus
12. Passion and Pride (Sax and Harp Version)
13. Harder
14. If I-Will You?
15. Real Life
16. Babylon (Two Verse Version)
17. Letter To Joe

DISC THREE

1. Kittywompuss
2. Tom and Dave
3. Opium Den
4. Ain’t That The Song? (Inst.)
5. Groovy Horn Sequence
6. Better Days
7. Score Me Some Too
8. Backward Elephant Walk
9. Cursed
10. Dixieland Betty
11. Dumb Rock Song
12. Midi Ditty
13. Echo Jam
14. Experiment 1
15. Ah!
16. Experiment 2
17. Harder (Inst.)
18. Jane’sy Thing
19. My First Sax Song
20. Salvage
21. Tech No

DISC FOUR

1. Tom’s Bass Face
2. Untitled
3. Dr. Rhythm Raunch
4. Chernobyl (Live)
5. Mausolia (Live)
6. Hard (Live)
7. Words Of My Own (Live)
8. Ain’t That The Song? (Live)
9. Lullaby For Lucifer (Live)
10. She’s So Heavy (Intro)
11. Lithium (Nirvana Cover)
12. Waiting For Summer (34 Leaves)
13. Red (34 Leaves)
14. Blind Opportunity (34 Leaves)
15. Happy Days (34 Leaves)

HERE ARE THE LYRICS (Disc One and Two):

2007-08-15T18:33:00.000-07:00

Artwork by P-Jay Fidler

“VIC DEMISE-BOTH”
(Random Acts Of Silence)

Well, here it is. I’m sorry it took so long, as so many of you have asked me for copies of my stuff for years now. I’m a lot of things, but a shameless self-promoter is not one of them. This is not the best; it’s just what I have. Most of these songs were on old cassette tapes and the quality had deteriorated from their original marginal condition. I have done what I could to revive the fidelity and clean up the hiss and hum and bring back some of the brightness and punch. Sometimes the results were just fantastic, and I was able to remove noises and pull out sounds I thought were lost to magnetic decay forever. In other cases I just did the best I could. I sort of got better at the whole preservation thing as I went along, and was even tempted to start the whole project over but a man could lose his mind trying to decide if this sounds better than that…or that.

Eventually you’ve got to just settle for something, and so I have. I hope you all like it. There are four discs in the collection. The first two are all songs written by me, the kind with lyrics. The third disc begins a compilation of instrumental tracks, mostly experiments where I was making it up as I went. sort of. The instrumentals continue into the fourth disc and the there’s a cover of Nirvana’s “Lithium” I did (for some reason), and lastly we have the four-song demo I produced and played on (a lot) for my short-lived band called “34 Leaves” whose lead vocalist was Jack Vercelli, who some of you may remember as the minister at my wedding at the Richard Ramirez “Night Stalker” murder house (oh yes, it’s true) in Glendale CA. (Our friends were living there, we didn’t seek out a creepy place to get married or anything like that).

The other musicians are as follows:
The Lizards:
Keith McNulty (Drums), the late Steve Krance (Bass) Steve Armstrong (Lead guitar)

Very special appearances by:
34 Leaves:
Joey Dyer (guitar), Jack Vercelli (Lead Vocals)

Also:
“THE” Marty Kruse (Bass), Tom Lynch (Piano/Keyboards/Guitar)

My thanks go out to: My Mother, My Father, My lovely wife, Linda, My Sisters Jacqui and Sherri, Tracey Trotter, Travis Holder, and my only guitar teacher ever, Vishnuprem. Super special thanks to my Grandmother, Wilma Kinnamon, for tolerating my playing back when I really, really sucked.

Apologies to The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, and Nirvana for daring to even touch their music. Sorry fellas.

That said, I make most of the noises you will hear, and I take full responsibility.

I hope you will at least listen to the whole thing at least once, if not a thousand times. And feel free to make copies for anyone that might care to hear it, with my blessings.

NOTE: If you find you don’t like a song, just wait a minute.

Sorry I Am
Demise (This was my first attempt at slide guitar)

I can’t feel, and I can’t love
and I can’t raise my eyes above
my own head, my own mind
I can’t think and I can’t find
anyone, or anything
to ease the pain inside of me
Can’t hang on’ can’t let go
and I can’t begin to let you know how

sorry I am,
that I hurt you sometimes,
and I don’t mean it, no-
but it’s easier every time
Yeah, sorry I am
and I’d like to change your mind
but I don’t see it no
and I’m sorry, sorry-

I don’t know but this ain’t me
losin’ my humanity
Stay a while, see the show
We all smile, but we all know
Jesus came, and Jesus tried
And Jesus paid, when Jesus died
Jesus gave, all he had
Jesus saves, and still it’s sad how

sorry I am,
that I hurt you sometimes,
and I don’t mean it, no-
but it’s easier every time
Yeah, sorry I am
and I’d like to change your mind
but I don’t see it no
and I’m sorry, sorry-

Payphone
Demise (T. Lynch-Piano) *“Show business is a hideous bitch-goddess” –George Burns

Misclassification of the thoughts in my head
is easier said than addressed
The payphone in the gas station turned out to be dead
I still picked it up and confessed-
“Jesus, I’m a mess- and I don’t feel blessed-
Is there some reason why you wont let me rest?”

Racked with desperation I got back in my car
And pointed my wheels to the west
Where Hollywood’s mutations walk around on the stars
And feed at the bitch-goddess breast*
Jesus, they’re a mess- and they’re so distressed
Is there some reason for this goddamned test?

A small initiation
A test of my allegiance to the free
An open invitation
to make the best of my reality
A slight miscalculation
Brings the whole thing crashin’ in on me
A minor deviation
Angles off into infinity, forever…

Miscommunication, it’s a beautiful thing:
a reason to sing, I have found
The payphone in the gas station, well it started to ring
Sadly, I was nowhere around
Jesus, what’s that sound- fadin’ into the background?
Is there some reason why you’re letting me down?

I don’t like it
Demise (Thoughts on America’s Drug-War)

He wasn’t hurtin’ nobody
He was catchin’ a buzz
An all-American boy
Till ha got locked-up
He’s doin’ mandatory minimum time
He’s makin’ friends on the inside
Yeah well that’s what he gets
You say he did what he did
But would you still feel the same
if it was your kid?
This holy-war on drugs is over and done
I think the drugs just won

Shout it from the roof
Shout it from the gutter
Take a look around and say’
“I don’t like this.”
Snitchin’ on your mom
Droppin’ on your brother
To the undercover man
It ain’t right
We’ve got the freedom to just say no
But are we free to say yeah?
I don’t like it- no not one bit
I don’t like this shit

I’d sooner piss in your face
than fill your plastic cup
Then you could tell by my taste
if I am fucked-up
If I’m the victim of a victimless crime
]what’s with the hard, hard time?
We wanna turn you all on
You wanna turn us all in
Just cause you make it against the law
Don’t make it a sin
This holy-war on drugs is over and done
It’s time we all had fun

Falling
Demise (K. Mc Nulty-Drums)

Leave me alone
Let me sleep my life away
I don’t wanna face the mornin’
I don’t wanna face the day
Steve isn’t home
No they sent him far away
Just a temporary stay
Just to make his matters gray again

Unplug the phone
Throw the whole damn thing away
I got nuthin’ left to say
I don’t make sense anyway
Deep in my bones
There’s a pain, wont go away
And the doctors that I pay
Offer nuthin’ in the way of hope

How can I dream
when I can’t even sleep- my god is a creep
I’m told that he’s just like me
but that I don’t see, no that couldn’t be
cause I’m on my knees
and I don’t hear him callin’ out for me

She doesn’t know
But she’s sure that there’s a way
And she ain’t to proud to pray
For the man that made her stray
So look out below
Cause I’m fallin’ out of grace
I’ll be landing on my face
Maybe then I’ll know my place

Hey Monkey
Demise (Kind of about a cat, and a junkie)

Hey Monkey,
scratchin’ at my door
Stay Monkey,
you been here before
Hey Monkey,
why you look so bad?
You look to me like Dennis Hopper,
just kicked your ass
Yeah Monkey
I’m your friend
but you know
that it won’t last-
Monkey

Hey Monkey,
you’re always at my feet
Yeah Monkey,
I got somethin’ that you can eat
Hey Monkey,
I give you all I got
but no money
satisfies the want
Yeah Monkey,
I’m your friend
and ya’ know
that says a lot-
Monkey

Babylon
Demise (Music written Sept. 10th- Lyrics written Sept. 11th 2001)

Manhattan city towers standin’ side by side
A monument to all our power, wealth and pride
In my opinion they just build ‘em way to high
But who the hell am I to say?
Yeah, who the hell am I?

Something suicidal came out of the sky
A ball of fire as captured by the camera’s eye
And as we lapsed into to who, what, where and why
Two hundred-twenty floors collapsed in double time

Babylon the great is really fallen, fallen
Babylon the great is truly fallen, fallen

Meanwhile not to far away in Washington
The dogs of war were seated in their Pentagon
And if they’re the ones who claim to know what’s goin’ on
Well who the hell are they daddy, who the hell are they?

Something homicidal came out of the sky
A flaming arrow struck a nation in the side
When trouble-makers find themselves in troubled times
Well who can really say Momma, who can really say?

Well it’s better to be wide-awake than paranoid
And it’s better to be paranoid than be destroyed
But you better learn the methods evil men employ
And you’d better look around, brother, better look around

Something genocidal came out of the blue
And something in my bible’s finally comin’ true
And Nostrodamous made the New York Book Review
But no one had a clue, fuckin’ no one had a clue

Babylon the great is really fallen, fallen
Babylon the great is truly fallen, fallen
Babylon the great has finally fallen, fallen
Babylon the great has fucken’ fallen, fallen

Don’t See Me Now
Demise (K. Mc Nulty-Drums) For Tracey Trotter

You’ve known me a long long time
as long as I’ve known you
and people change, and that’s alright
cause that’s what people do
But lately I find that I
don’t see eye to eye
with the you that I once knew
The you that makes me cry

Don’t see me now
when all my weaknesses abound
Just see around it
You should know what I’m about

To do to you like you do to me
oh, wouldn’t that be fair?
You rub my face in misery
that masquerades as care
Now maybe I’m, out of line
This time you might be right
to bring to light those little things
I try so hard to hide

Don’t see me now
when all my weaknesses abound
Just see around it
You should know what I’m about
You should know I love you…
You should know I love you…

You’ve known me a long long time
As long as I’ve known you
People change, and that’s insane-
There’s nothing you can do
But lately I, find that I,
Don’t see eye to eye,
With the you, that I once knew
The you that makes me cry

(You’re Still) In
Demise

I never wanted to be this way
But I didn’t see it comin’
Only wanted to seize the day
Can’t believe that I was so dumb

As to believe, that you would understand
my dream but I don’t think you can
perceive, the beauty of my plan
but you’re still in

Never wanted to piss you off
I can be such a mother fuck-
I never wanted to twist your love
Just a matter of my dumb luck

That I believed, that you would understand
my needs, but I don’t think you can
perceive, the beauty of my plan
but you’re still in

Never gonna be satisfied
but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up
All I need is to know I tried
Can it possibly be enough

That I believe that you will understand
my dream, but even if you can’t perceive
the beauty of my plan
well you’re still in

Passion and Pride
Demise

I’d like to be the kind of man
that never has to worry
about things like shelter and clothing and doubt
I’d like to be the kind of man
that separates his wants from his needs
I’d like to be the kind of man
who never has to hurry
Where would I run if time was running out?
I’d like to be the kind of man
who never sold his soul out for greed

God once provided,
until men decided
to let it all ride
on their passion and pride
And we keep building higher
to keep from the fire below
And the angels are sent down
into the cement town
protecting the few
who acknowledge the call
And those who despise them
cannot recognize them at all
No not at all

Take it any way you wanna man
I gotta say you’re on a one way trip
to someplace that I’d rather not be myself
Anyone who didn’t know you like I know you
Wouldn’t even take the time of day to tell you

Low Down Dirty Lie
Demise (K. Mc Nulty-Drums/Slide Guitar)

I got a story to tell (It’s not entirely true)
about my personal hell- Be glad it’s not about you
I pull my ass outta bed- I’m feelin’ battered and blue
And I forget what you said- It only mattered to someone who’s not here
I go to get myself dressed, so I can be of some use
My fashion sense is a mess, and where the hell are my shoes?
I go to look for a job, so I can say that I tried
They said, “You look like a slob.” and damned if they weren’t right

Practicality is practically a low down dirty lie
Things go wrong so I don’t try
Sensibility is killin’ me, but it’s keeping me alive
But days like these I’d rather-

Now don’t be touchin’ that dial, my story’s only half done
You’ll soon be crackin’ a smile, cause this is where it gets fun
I ventured into the world, so I could check out the night life
I met a beautiful girl, then I remembered my wife

Practicality is practically a low down dirty lie
Things go wrong so I don’t try
Sensibility is killin’ me, but it’s keeping me alive
Days like these I’d rather-

I took a drive into town, so I could just be alone
I had to turn back around, because my speakers were blown
And when I finally got home, I found a note on my door
It cut me right to the bone, said, “you don’t live here no more”

Practicality is practically a low down dirty lie
Things go wrong so I don’t try
Sensibility is killin’ me, but it’s keeping me alive
But days like these I’d rather- play guitar
I wanna play guitar
Let me play guitar

Black and White
Demise (K. Mc Nulty-Drums/Lead Guitar) This is the ONLY song in this collection recorded in an actual studio

Black and white, there is no line
Fluctuation in my mind
Shining love and shadowed fear
Sounds of laughter, laced with tears

You and me, we had a dream
Slipped away like Vaseline
Sometimes love is so unfair
All I ever did was care for you

Things you told me, they were so untrue
That’s okay cause I was lying too
When I said I couldn’t live without you

Black and white, a photograph
Since you’ve gone, that’s all I have
Lost forever, so it seems
Yet you never left my dreams

Black and white, these words I write
Just don’t seen to make things right
I call your name, but you’re nowhere
Baby I was always there for you

Things you told me they were so untrue
That’s okay cause I was lying too
When I said I couldn’t live without you

Free Stuff-No Cops
Demise (Recorded the week of the L.A. Riots, 1992)

A white cop named “Coon” a black lawyer named “White”
And eighty-one seconds that were shot one night
And we all saw how the scene went down
Except for twelve white people from a “Simi” town
But the trial was held, and the verdict was read
And the newsman on my T.V. said:
“Ya know L.A. ain’t looked this alive
since Watts in 1965”
Well the angry crowd got out of hand
One time when a brother could’ve used the man
But left with a sense of absolute impunity
L.A. seized the opportunity
Glass started breakin’ and the people started takin’
And somethin’ in the back of my mind started sayin’
“This’ll all get worse, before it stops”
cause the T.V. said, “Free stuff, no cops”

Free stuff, no cops- Ooh yeah man
Free stuff, no cops- That’s what my T.V. said
Free stuff, no cops- Too bad man
Free stuff, no cops- That’s what the papers read
Free stuff, no cops- No justice
Free stuff, no cops- That’s what the news man said
Free stuff, no cops- to bust us
Free stuff, no cops- No guilt upon the head

While the animals were lootin’ some people started shootin’
And the city started lookin’ like downtown Beirut
And then the television showed a fire burnin’ on a side-street
Check it out! Yo man, that’s my street!
Pretty soon the whole city was on fire and
Ain’t no one ever heard a siren
There I was just sweatin’ and perspirin’
Feelin’ kind of scared and feelin’ kind of violent
Television said that the man won’t come
So I figured it was time to load my gun
And it’s gonna get worse, before it stops
Cause the T.V. said, “Free stuff, no cops

Drunk
Demise

I done a whole lotta drinkin,
but baby, I ain’t drunk
And no, my shoes ain’t stinkin’
but my feet sure got the funk
I got a hole in my jeans
and another pair in my trunk
I got a habit to feed by the mornin’
or I’ll be sunk, so sunk…
I done a whole lotta drinkin,
but baby, I ain’t drunk

I done a whole lotta thinkin’ about it,
and I don’t know
I mean you’d think by now I’d be drownin’
but it just ain’t so
I gotta hole in my pocket
and another hole in my heart
I got a bottle behind me
and another one in my car, so far…
I done a whole lotta drinkin,
but baby, I ain’t drunk

No Trouble
Demise

When you’re always in the right place, everything is wrong
I’ve been lookin’ for a dark place, that I don’t belong
Longin’ for the sweet taste of oblivion
I know that I’m a hard case, but tell me what is it you want

I was talkin’ to the Devil, on the telephone
He said, “Boy you better level with me, what the hell you on?”
I said, “I’m on my way to Heaven, Lord, I’m on my way to score
And I’m on to you, you son of a- Bet you didn’t know

But that’s cool, don’t want no trouble with you
Yeah, cool, don’t want no trouble with you.”

I was drinkin’ in my front yard, workin’ on my Dodge Dart
Lookin’ for a spare part, somethin’ like a new car
Singin’ in a sport-bar, temporary rock star
I don’t know who you are, so tell me what is it you want

I was rockin’ with the Devil, to the radio
He said, “Boy this isn’t heroin, it’s only rock n roll”
I told him I’m not holdin’ but I showed him where to go
Said, “I wouldn’t wanna be ya’ but I’ll see ya’ at the show”

He said, “Cool. Don’t want no trouble with you-
Yeah cool- Don’t want no trouble with you.”

When you’re always in the wrong place, everything is right
It’s just another hard day, and just another night
And it’s lookin’ like your girlfriend’s lookin’ for a fight
So before your little world ends, you better find out what she wants

So I’m lookin’ like the Devil, to society
But everybody’s criminal, just for being free
Pleadin’ with the cop until we finally cop a plea
And I’d appreciate it kindly if you wouldn’t mention me

And that’s cool- Don’t want no trouble with you
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s cool- Don’t want no trouble with you

Fuck You
Demise ( I hope to get Tom Waits to record this someday)

Like a five o’clock shadow, on the face of a drag-queen
A scab on the lip of a beautiful girl
Like a cigarette butt, in a fresh cup of coffee
I don’t belong in this world

Kids with machine guns, remote controlled meat-grinders
Whatever happened, to bottles and stones?
The bottles are empty, the Stones have grown old
And I’m tired of singin’ alone

So fuck you, I’m leavin’, cause you don’t believe in me
Now I don’t even believe in myself
Love shouldn’t have to be, such a catastrophe
You never asked for me, and that’s just as well

If you can love this, broken-down body
And you can love this, evil mind
And I can still make you wanna do such naughty things
At least some of the time

But I’m a nightmare, in the morning
But I’m a mournful man at night
Exceedingly prayerful in times you’re not there for me
So I guess that you’re mine

But just cause I fuck you, it don’t mean I love you
And just cause you’re crying, don’t mean that I don’t
Sorry to suck you in, but I’m not above you
Cause I say I’m leaving- and you know I won’t

So fuck you I’m leavin’, cause you don’t believe in me
Now I don’t even believe in myself
You’ve got too much class to be, shakin’ your ass for me
It’s been a blasphemy, see you in hell

Chernobyl
Demise (S. Armstrong-Delayed Guitar)

Over your head
Up in the clouds
A blanket of death
A nuclear shroud
It’s a product of progress
A product of greed
It was only the Russians
But it could have been me
In Chernobyl

The town of Chernobyl
In the land of Kiev
A little misfortune
Now they’re holding their breath
And just like their banner
Their sky has turned red
And so have their faces
Except for the dead
In Chernobyl

Destination Nowhere
Demise

Destination nowhere
My motivation’s gone
Deep inside I just don’t care
But still I carry on

Sure wish I was somewhere
Somewhere I belong
Somewhere I could be myself but
Still I’m here and I’m not clear on

Where I should go
What I should do
Heading for nowhere
How about you?
Where do I go? What do I do?
Gotta go somewhere
But nowhere will do

Right behind me, don’t remind me
I don’t wanna know
They just want my soul
But it’s already sold

Just above me, that’s who loves me
That don’t ever change
Though it may sound strange
Stays the same, but please explain

Where I should go
What I should do
Heading for nowhere
How about you?
Where do I go? What do I do?
Gotta go somewhere
But nowhere will do

Not any More
Demise (T. Lynch-Piano)

God only knows why you’re alive
God only knows why you’re still breathin’
If you’ve got a mind left in your mind
You might have noticed we’re all seethin’

And I could tell you it’s alright
But that ain’t so and ya’ know it
Now only you can change your life
I may care but I just can’t show it- show it
No not any more

Lookin’ into your wasted eyes
I realize that you don’t hear me
But while you were out we all got wise
Don’t even want your guitar near me

And I could tell you it’s alright
But that ain’t so and ya’ know it
Now only you can change your mind
I may care but I just can’t show it- show it
No not any more

God only knows where you’ll go now
Even the County Jail don’t need you
Probably end up back downtown
If I come around I just might see you

But I wont tell you it’s alright
Cause that ain’t so and ya’ know it
Now only you can save your life
I may care but I just can’t show it- show it
No not any more

Say
Demise (Probably the first time I sang along with myself)

Say what you wanted to say to me
When we were standing in
The library that day
I remember the dress you wore
I remember it made me sore
To see you look that way

Say what you wanted to say to me
My mind is fixed entirely
On anything that you might say
It makes me sore to see you look that way

And I- wonder if I’m ever gonna get my head together
But I guess I’d better try
And I- wonder if I’m ever gonna tear myself apart
From the poison and the lies
And I…

Reflections on a failed relationship in an empty driveway
Demise (T. Lynch-Piano)

It’s a kick in the ass, It’s a kick in the head
She rolled up the glass, turned the key
and away she sped

If I’d had any class I would have been offended
but it seems like I’m always the last one to know
when a good thing’s ended

She, had a way she could say without speaking
a single word to me
Me, I’m afraid that she knows what I’m thinking
cause I’m thinking of how she don’t care any more what I think

Guess I’ll go in the house and get back into bed
just as soon as I’ve read and then burned every book
that she’s ever read

Just like drinking the blood of a foe who is dead
although that sort of ritual
does tend to leave your face red

She, had a way she could say without speaking
A single word to me
We, never could get along without drinking
And I’m thinkin’ of pumpin’ myself full of somethin’ right now

It’s like kickin’ a drug when you’re losin’ a girl
But it’s better than kickin’ her ass in the scheme of the world

Girls Always Know
Demise (I know, It’s long)

I say the words “I love you”-
Ya’ know I do
and I could be anything,
long as I’m something to you
I’ve been in love before,
but never true
I’ve been in love before but I never did have a clue
till the night I went home with you- you were makin’ it all come true
but I never knew love- no I never knew love till October, or was it November?
Does it matter all that much? Cause I don’t remember
And I can’t recall to save my soul- Just the same, girls always know
No I can’t recall to save my soul- Just the same, girls always know
Her body makes me feel- She makes me feel like god almighty
Her body makes me feel- She makes me feel like Lucifer
Her body makes me feel- She makes me feel like Jesus Christ
Her body makes me feel- She makes me feel I’ll come again
(Her body- Come again)
She looks good to me, when she needs me
and she needs me, believes in me
So I stay up late and I masturbate with my guitar, this is her fate
Till the morning sky begins to glow, and then I can sleep all day
Sleep all day
She looks good to me, when she needs me
And she needs me, believes in me
But I gotta get up, Gotta get up, Gotta get- Gotta get up!
But I gotta get up, Gotta get up, Gotta get- Gotta get up!
Sleep all day…
And she needs me- believes in me

Sincerely
Demise

Well I’m tryin’ to make myself better
I’m tryin’ to keep my head above water
I’m dyin’ to just give in, it’s been a long, long time
But damned if I’m not
tryin’ to keep it together
I’m tryin’ to make this rhyme, but why bother
I’m dyin’ to just forget that it’s just one more line,
and speak my mind…

Sincerely- before I lose my nerve
Stand near me- I’d almost formed the words
so clearly- now you can rest assured
you’ll hear me, if ever I remember what it was

Well I’m tryin’ to shake off the weather
I’m tryin’ to wait till it gets a bit hotter
Relying upon the seasons
to bring reason to my life
and I’m eyein’ this bottle of whiskey
and I’m tryin’ to see some sign of my father
Been lying’ about the sin I’m in, so I’ve sinned again
I just can’t win

Sincerely- before I lose my nerve
Stand near me- I’d almost formed the words
so clearly- now you can rest assured
you’ll hear me, if ever I remember what it was

well I’m tryin’ to make myself better
I’m tryin’ to keep my head above water
I’m tryin’ to make myself better
I’m tryin’ to keep my head above water
I’m tryin’ to make myself better
I’m tryin’ to keep my head

It could be worse
Demise (T. Lynch- Piano)

Hangin’ at the end of my rope
I tied a knot, and let go
of everything but my hope
It was not a lot to drop
So I keep reminding myself-
Yeah I keep reminding…

Empty, at the end of my day
I did not use again
but it won’t go away
this drug abuse intent
So I keep reminding myself-
Yeah I keep reminding myself

It could be worse, I could be dead
There could be worms inside my head
Just one more verse…

Branded till the end of my years
I hide it well, but sometimes
you can tell by my tears
when they’re sliding down my face
so I keep reminding myself
Nothing is the end of the world
And everything is fine
I’m a pig before pearls
the rest is in my mind
So I keep reminding myself
Yeah I keep reminding myself

It could be worse, I could be dead
There could be worms inside my head
Just one more verse
It could be worse

Your Own Dumb Way
Demise (K. Mc Nulty- Drums)

Take a walk in the rain, it’s okay
to get wet, try to let yourself
out of your mind
but if you can’t take the rain anymore
you just say so…
…and I’ll take you inside,
where you’ll be warm and dry

Take a ride on the bus, you can trust
All of us to awake you when
Your stop arrives
But if you wake up to find you’re alone,
far from home…
…well I’ll give you a ride,
and it’ll be alright
you may believe you’re dying- I may believe you’re right

Think about what you’re thinking right now
Tell me how, you allow the blind
Leading the blind
But if you can’t find your way anymore
You just say so…
…and I’ll turn on a light,
and it’ll be alright

Take a look at your life as a book
Does it cook? Would you bother to
read it again?
But if you just can’t pretend how it ends
Makes you happy…
…continue to write,
and it’ll be alright
No need to keep on crying- No need to dry your eyes
You know when you’ve been lying- You know when you’ve been wise
Like back when you were fryin’- Way back when you got high
When you were so damned sly in your own dumb way
So how are you tonight?

This Perfect Day
Demise (T. Lynch- Piano and Lead Guitar))

Sunshine, green ocean, blue skies, above me
Headlines, have no notion, of how fine, life can be

Now is the moment, the moment is now
and every second there in between
Up in the morning, till I fall back down
I live in a perpetual dream

And I never understood why I never got a letter
but maybe it was better that way
and I was feeling pretty bad, but now I’m feeling better
Gonna get it all together someday- yeah

This perfect day
I will surrender my will to my ways
Right where I lay
I will belong…

My mind, is open, so wide, you can see
Inside, where I’m hopin’, to find, that you’re just like me

Stop for a minute and sit yourself down
and get yourself into the scene
Then a little later when we come-around
we can talk about what went in-between

And I never understood why I never got a letter
but maybe I’m the better for that
And I was feeling pretty good, but now I’m feeling better
than a monkey in a tin-foil hat- yeah-

This perfect day
I will surrender my will to my ways
Right where I lay
I will belong…

Lost the Feeling
Demise (K. Mc Nulty- Drums)

If I could purge my soul
Put all my hate in a big black hole
If I could- let it go
If I could find where I lost control
If I could ease my doubt
I will have figured the whole thing out
but now I just don’t know
but now I just don’t know

And I feel as though I’ve, lost the feeling
that tells me how I feel at all
and now I don’t know, how I feel at all
And this state of mind that I’m revealing
never was concealed at all
Still I don’t know, how I feel

Why couldn’t you be wrong?
You always said I would be this way
Why couldn’t I be strong?
Cause I believe every word you say
Why couldn’t I be right?
I always thought that you were my friend
Why couldn’t you be mine,
when I’ve got nothing but good intentions?

And I feel as though I’ve, lost the feeling
that tells me how I feel at all
Now I don’t know, how I feel at all
But the wounds are dry, and the scabs are healing
and someday I might peel them off
but still I don’t know, how I feel

And I feel as though I’ve, lost the feeling
that tells me how I feel at all
and now I don’t know, how I feel at all
And this state of mind that I’m revealing
never was concealed at all
Still I don’t know, how I feel

Linda’s Song
Demise

Well I, got myself a bible
Got a pair of old blue jeans
Got no money, got three guitars
And the same old crazy dreams

Oh I’m gonna make then cry
Oh I’m gonna make them try
To believe
Baby like you believe in me
Tell me what more can there be?

I Can Tell
Demise (S. Armstrong- Lead Guitar)

I can tell if you walk out
you won’t be comin’ back
and I can tell if you come back
it’ll never, be the same again
then again it’s all the same
when you’re lookin’ for someone to blame

I can’t promise if you stay
the strain would go away
but I know if you should leave
I will never, be the same again
then again it’s all the same
when you’re lookin’ for someone to blame

I can tell if you walk out
you won’t be comin’ back
and I can tell if you come back
it’ll never, be the same again
then again it’s all the same
when you’re lookin’ for someone to blame

Given Time
Demise (This song was one of my first home recordings, and sort of led to all the rest)

I recall, when I was young
and no eternal shadows hung
above our heads
it was easy
but given time, we all break down
and bitterness, is passed around
between our souls

And all the while we struggle for control
and all we know is that we’ll never know
and I feel as though I’ve dug myself a hole

Once upon a better time
back in 1969
I was four, and I was fine
believe me
but given time, we all get wise
and adolescent alibis
just won’t go (any more)

And all the while we struggle for control
and all we know is that we’ll never know
and I feel as though I’ve dug myself a hole

yeah I feel as though I’ve dug myself a hole

Lullaby For Lucifer
Demise

And so goodbye
You won’t be catchin’ me cryin’
Cause after all of your lyin’
I’m finally seein’ the light

Now let me be
I ain’t got nothin’ to say to you
Hell no I’m not gonna pray to you
It took a long, long time to get you out of my mind

And now you’re gone
You know that I’ll carry on
You’ve done me nothin’ but wrong
But I’ll be there at the dawn

Now let me be
I don’t want nothin’ to do with you
I’ll be so glad to be through with you
It took a long, long time to get you out of my mind

So step aside
This ain’t no matter of pride
There’s nothin’ left to decide
I’ve taken my last ride

Now let me be
I never really did care for you
And I’m not here to be there for you
It took a long, long time to get you out of my mind

Jesus
Demise (Note the Sax and Toy Banjo)

Jesus
Jesus
Where are you now?
Please bring me down

Jesus
Jesus
Where are you now?
Please bring me down

The Lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want
The Lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want
The Lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want

But I wanna come down
But I wanna come down
But I wanna come down right now

Jesus bring me down]
Jesus bring me down
Jesus bring me down

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I shall fear no evil
I shall fear no evil
I shall fear no evil

Harder
Demise (My first computer-based song)

Wow
Keeps getting’ harder
Just gets easier
Ooh

(I probably didn’t need to type these lyrics, but it’s just so funny)

If I- Will You?
Demise (A slow, weird version of a very different song)

If I call out,
Will you hear me?
If I let you see my dark side,
Will you fear me?
If I touch you,
Will you feel me?
If I show you where the pain is,
Will you heal me?

If I transmit,
Will you receive?
If I witness,
Will you believe?
(If I trust you,
Will you deceive me?
If I love you,
Girl will you leave?)

If I scream
Will you help me?
If I ask you for an answer
Will you tell me?
If I dream
Will it free me?
If I shine amidst this chaos
Will you see me

If I drop right down
to my knees
If I beg you,
If I say please
Will you love me,
Or is it that easy?
Come on darlin’,
That’s all I need

Real Life
Demise (K. Mc Nulty- Drums. This is actually TWO TAKES of the song, recorded at different places, on different days, that incredibly, synced-up!)

Do you like livin’ life
the way that we’re livin’ life now?
We sit home every night,
staring at the black and white,
We’re a couple of cows
While the real world passes us by
Ya know I sometimes just wanna cry

Ya know I’ve tried near everything
and all I wanna do is sing loud
but the bills keep stackin’ up
the good times are backin’ up
I just don’t know how
But there’s a real world right outside
I want to feel like a part of it every night

I want a real life baby, I feel life callin’ to me

Ya know it can’t smell like a rose
livin’ with a sociopath
But when we never go anywhere,
how am I supposed to care
if I’m in need of a bath?
Cause there’s a real world under my nose
You can stay if you wanna but let me go

I want a real life baby, I feel life callin’ to me

Do you like livin’ life
the way that we’re livin’ life now?
We sit home every night,
you and me we’re such a sight
Don’t you wanna get out?

Cause there’s a real world just out the door
Ya know I don’t know what we’ve been waitin’ for

I want a real life baby, I feel life callin’ to me

Letter To Joe
Demise(“So cool it’s stupid!” Copyright 2001)

Well I got so cool that I got stupid
I made the same mistakes as you did
All’s I know is I got through it

I made my bed, there’s no more lyin’
Now I’m not clean, but I’ve been tryin’
Always something I’m relying on

Well I wrote this on a borrowed banjo
It sounds like shit, but man oh man Joe
it don’t know the glory of your hands

I traded in my drugs for four different pills
and now I can’t do nothin’ God doesn’t will

So praise the Lord
and c’mon back to California
I’m so bored
but hey man, that’s not what’s important
It’s the words that make the song
It’s the hurt that don’t belong
Hey Joe you don’t go solo till you’re gone

Well I hope you still got all your fingers
cause there’s this melody that lingers
I should know, I was the singer, well anyway

Now I’ve lost track of everything
My past is like a broken string
and pearls of memory fall to the floor

And I’ve lost track of everybody
I ain’t seen Jack in ages
but if sentiment’s contagious, he might call

If Heaven’s all around us we sure
took one major fucken’ detour
If you see Magda, don’t believe her

Hard (Live)
S. Armstrong-Music/V. Demise- Lyrics (This was my favorite song to sing live)

This is me,
standin’ on a plywood platform
This is me,
my love
This is me-
Don’t you ask me what did I do that for
Cause this is me,
my love

And it’s, so hard,
to live with my weakness,
and it’s, so hard,
dealin’ with you
and I work, so hard,
it drains the uniqueness
from my, guitar-
Baby let me play it for you

And it’s, so hard
I feel so defeated
Cause it’s, so hard
What can I do?
And my- my guitar
Who the hell needs it?
I’m no- rock star
And neither are you

Sorry friends, I've been very busy, being lazy!

2007-06-08T09:32:00.000-07:00

Hello to my old friends whom I have found again after SO long- Marty K. and Adam D. It's good to be back in touch.

No updates on the court thing really. They are supposedly planning to offer me a "deal" which means a reduction in the fine I would have to pay (from like $350.00 to $100.00) but that is not the issue here. The issue is one of my right to privacy, and my right to safe in my home from unnecessary BULLSHIT. So now there is a tentative court date on August 28th (preceeded by a meeting in which they plan to offer me that crappy "deal" on August 21st) so they really want to push this thing and bring me to trial for two grams of weed. Whatever.

UPDATE>>>No news is good news.

2007-04-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that I'm engaged in a game of chicken with the local D.A. in that I'm hoping he does not want to have a jury trial over two grams of pot, and I belive he would have me plead guilty to avoid the same trial. I'm guessing here. My court day came and went. It was over in ten seconds- literally. When it was over I had a yellow piece of paper, exactly like the one I left court with last time, only with a different date on it. THEORETICALLY, they're going to go ahead with the jury trial, which I don't really see happening. My lawyer pointed out that I could end up oweing some legal fees if I fight this. I told her, "I don't care. It's a bullshit charge. Pardon my language."
She (my lawyer) still plans to file a motion to supress the evidence, but I'm not counting on that. See, this is why we have an ACLU, ya' know? I have to fight. It's just wrong to just knock on someone's door and detain and grill them for, well, however long they took. They had no complaint, they didn't even know who I was. They didn't smell anything. In fact they were there on the property for a specific reason, which had nothing to do with me. It's just plain bullshit, and I have to stand up for myself. I know the judge wouldn't stand for that sort of treatment, and I expect the same courtesy. STAY TUNED...

Ain't that a bicth! (Court, that is)

2007-04-14T00:55:00.000-07:00

I just had to write this letter...

2007-04-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

http://us.f350.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?YY=82794&y5beta=yes

The Bitch ain't "back"- he never left.

2007-04-05T20:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I had typed my whole life story, and then lost it. Not really. But I did lose the post. Mostly it just said that Elton John rocked his own "party" (Let's face it, that thing on TV was not the party, which leads me to wonder, who's playing his real party?)
Normally I wouldn't watch that sort of thing, but I only have six channels out here, so it was the best non-repeat thing on.
My "step-dad " Travis Holder has the distinction of being the man who actually booked Elton's first United States appearance at the Troubador in L.A. against the advisement of Doug Weston, the club's owner (at the time at least). The rest is history. Anyone else remember Elton John being on the cover of every single fucking magazine in existence back in the 70s? He was bigger than the Beatles, who were roumered to be bigger than Jesus. My big sister went nuts on Elton. Her bedroom covered from floor to ceiling with ELTON!! I however had the good taste to go the Star Wars route in my room. Yeah...Star Wars...Stylin'.
I still remember the morning Elton died, to me. I was sleeping at a friends house, and I woke up to "Don't go breakin' my heart"- it was catchy, it was awful. Just awful. And back then they just played the shit out of everything, so it was one of those songs that just wouldn't go away. But everything he did before that, piece of crap, was pretty damn good. I wasn't a fan really, but it sure got played a lot in my house, as well as the radio, so it becomes a part of you. Funny, I probably know the words to his stuff better than my wacko-fan sister.
In closing, it was a pretty good performance for an old man. Amazing fingers. Not bad for a guy who almost killed himself a few times back then. A good thing too. He'd have missed the party.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...ya' weirdo.

It's time to go to war, again?

2007-04-03T22:27:00.000-07:00

Here we are, the Bush gang is gonna do it again. They're looking for an excuse. They may have even orchestrated an excuse. You don't poke the bear, even if it's a little one, unless you're ready to wrestle said bear. America is not ready for a bear-fight. Stretched thin, our troops are at the breaking point, and PTSD is taking a toll on the minds of our country's children.

We have half the world pissed-off at us, and it seems, we don't care. We're the bully on the playground. Self-appointed hall monitors of the planet. We don't care if we're liked, cause we can kick (nuke)your ass. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. I've heard roumors of some big military action near the end of the week. What's with all the battleships in the gulf there anyway? In the last six and a half years or so, I've learned to trust my gut, and my gut says, "From the mind of Mr. dumb, something wicked this way comes."

I'm on my 6th body, theoretically.

2007-04-02T20:29:00.001-07:00

`Today is my 42nd birthday. Amazing. That's at least twelve years longer than I expected to live back in my teens. I owe it all to marriage. I've no doubt that without my loving wife, I'd be long dead.

They say (you know, "them" or "they") that you get a totally new body every seven years. That is, all the matter in your body gets replaced every seven years by the food you eat, the water you drink, the air you breath. I like beliving that. It's a tidy little theory, but I doubt it's entirely true. I'll bet some of that matter hangs around for decades, maybe more.

So, for the sake of simplicity we'll call it my 6th body. So far, I've probably smoked thirty cigarettes today. Can't seem to stop myself. I've had a couple shots of vodka too- hey, It's my birthday. So, I'm well on my way to abusing my 6th body. Do I deserve a seventh?

Anyway, it's been a good day. I spent it with my wife doing nothing, listening to NPR, smoking, and I topped it all of with some awsome beef tacos from the local burrito shack. They were yummy, I tell ya'. Also downloaded this new audio software called "Audacity" which is pretty nice for a free program. What it lacks in features, it makes up for in plain simplicity. You barely need to know what you're doing, and you're multi-tracking. Cool.

I'm still waiting on this print (above) I bought on ebay (my present) of Elliott Smith. It was a little expensive, but it's signed by the artist and done on canvis. About 14'x14". It has a sort of surreal religious tragic creepy beauty, and it was featured in an article in SPIN magazine. That's cool enough for me.

Also, I've gotten a couple of comments recently. Someone actually read my "Ride the pig" story, and left a supportive comment. Thanks. It means a lot. I don't tell people to "read my blog" or anything. It's just here. Mostly for me. I try to write it as if it will be read by someone, and sometimes, it is...read...by someone.

It's not like it was heroin...

2007-04-01T00:56:00.000-07:00

April 11th. That's the day I go to court for that posession charge (see story: "The one about the cops-Ride the pig" below) I get a little nervous when I think about it, seeing as I've been to jail once before. 1995ish. Long story, but let's just say I don't want to go back. The brothers and the homeys all said I'd be back, and for eleven years I've proved them wrong. I'm not looking at anything more than a FINE and PROBATION, but that's unaccepable. I'm fighting this. It was wrong. Still, I get nervous. And no...this is not an APRIL FOOLS DAY entry.

NEW E.S. ALBUM COMING SOON!

2007-03-31T17:01:00.000-07:00

And here's the cover to the new Elliott Album. If you care, do a search, as there is a lot of leaked info, including a list of songs (which I don't have handy) though some die-hard fans may already have some, even most, of these recordings, I would expect the sound to be superior, and I hope to find some more fleshed-out versions than I've heard as of yet (I'm hoping to hear "See you in Heaven" with lyrics. That'd be real sweet.)

Okay!! I've got my WinXP!! (Just gotta work out the bugs...)

2007-03-31T16:07:00.001-07:00

The little problem I was having with the missing cursor (Curses!) seems to have been remedied now that I've upgraded my OS with something six years old (win XP) as opposed to seven (win ME), I guess.
At any rate, this should put an end to the tedious method I was forced to employ in order to get my writings to my blog. This should make for more spontaneiety in future entries. Thanks for bearing with me- both of you. (Thus far I've only recieved two comments, so both of them.)
In the hours, days, weeks, months, to come, I intend to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the defendant did willfully, maliciously, and with a total disregard for any measure of human decency, insert his.....wait. What was I thinking?

Too tired to type right now- Enjoy some art!

2007-03-28T02:49:00.000-07:00

The one about the cops-Ride the PIG!

2007-03-16T21:44:00.000-07:00

God, forgive me. I HATE the fuckin’ cops. Sure lots of people do, some of them because they’re actually criminals who have something to hide, you know, people who victimize others, people who hurt, or steal, or whatever. That’s not me. I mind my business. Heck, I hardly ever even leave my home! And yet, “on or about” December 11 2006, I was sitting in my crappy trailer with my neighbor (name withheld), talking about her relationship problems with her somewhat of an asshole boyfriend. Out of nowhere, there was a voice from outside. “Hello!! Sheriff’s Department!!” So I went to my door to see what was up.
I stepped outside (my first mistake) and met up with two Riverside County Deputies and two other people in civilian clothes. I extended my hand to shake the hand of one of the officers (second mistake) as I said, “What can I do for you?” He immediately grabbed my hand, spun me around, and proceeded to frisk me. There was nothing in my pockets except my Zippo lighter. Then began the questions, some of them quite inappropriate. Things like, “Are there any drugs in the house?” I told them I had prescription pain meds in my house. “What do you take those for?” they asked. “That’s none of your business- That’s my personal medical information” They continued to grill me as to the nature of my condition, so finally, annoyed, I relented, and said, “Arthritis- Is THAT satisfactory?” They then asked if there was anyone else in the house. I told them my neighbor was inside. They asked her name a proceeded to call her out of the house, and began to question her as well. One thing they asked was her age (she is twenty). “Oh, c’mon, you aren’t twenty. How old are you really?” Apparently, they were convinced that I had an under-aged girl in my house, which in and of itself is not a crime, so they must have believed there was something sexual going on and that they had a pedophile on their hands (the sick fucks!).
At some point I asked them why they were even there. “We’re here assisting the county inspectors.” Those are the people who make sure all the brush has been properly cleared on the property and other such things. Now, county inspectors have nothing to do with anything that’s going on inside my house. In fact the inspectors come out every year, without any police escort- and there has NEVER been any sort of incident that would warrant them needing a law enforcement escort. Essentially they used the occasion to conduct a random interragation.
“Do you mind if we have a look inside the house?”
“Yes I mind. Get a warrant.” I said.
“Listen- If we have to come back with a warrant we’ll wait until your wife is here, and we’ll tear your shit up.” Then one of them added, “Well, you know, you’re technically under arrest, so we are allowed to search your house.”
“What does that mean? Technically??? Are you going to read me my rights?” It seems they knew they were full of shit, so they kept asking me to let them search the premises, and I kept telling them to “GET A WARRANT.”
“If you’ve got nothing to hide, you shouldn’t have a problem with us looking around. You sure there’s no drugs in there?” At this point it had been about thirty minutes since this whole thing started, and they had me sitting on a plastic milk crate. I hadn’t taken my pain medication yet that morning/afternoon, so I was getting pretty uncomfortable. I guess that’s why, in hopes of ending this unpleasantness I said, “Look, I’ve got about a gram a marijuana in there.”
“You mid getting it for us?”
“Yes, I do mind.” They were baffled.
“Why not?”
“Because, it’s mine.” I need it. The pills make me nauseous.
Now they were REALLY baffled. They knew I had narcotics inside, yet they had no warrant- No permission to go get it- and I was not about to give it up. Once again I told them to get a warrant.
They kept pressuring me to get the offending plant matter for them for about another ten minutes, all the while still detaining my neighbor too. I was getting really uncomfortable for lack of medication, and I felt bad that my friend had been dragged into this crap along with me, so I finally said (my third mistake, at least) that if it would end this, I’d get the marijuana for them.
They allowed me to go in, alone, and I very quickly re-emerged with the devil weed (all the while praising Satan under my breath).
Now this part bothers me the most. Even after I gave it up, they still insisted on searching my home.
“How about you let just one of us go in there with you and look around? ”You can pick either one of us.”
“Okay, ONE of you. You. (I picked the one I hated the least)Just so you can see that there’s no meth labs or dead hookers or whatever it is you think you’re gonna find- but I don’t want you going through my drawers and shit- just look. I don’t need you going through the tattered remains of my life.” Mostly, the place was a mess, and I hadn’t counted on guests.
“Well, he’s the lead officer on this so, he should go.” So much for me picking the one I wanted.
“Whatever. Fine.”
So one of the fucks went into the house with me and had a cursory look around. There was nothing to see so we went back outside.
Then they asked me about an old refridgerator, about fifty yards from my place. It wasn’t mine, nor had it ever been, I am not the landlord, or the property manager. In short- not my problem.
“Well, you’re going to be getting a ticket for that.” Whatever. “By the way, do you have a medical marijuana card?” I told them no. “Well it wouldn’t matter anyway.” later found out that it actually would matter. I happen to be in one of the few counties, in one of the few states, where having such a card does matter. Liars
They wrote me up a ticket, though I didn’t know if it was for the refrigerator or the weed. Turns out, the weed, which, all said and done, is only a ticket.
Jumping ahead to my court date, I plead not guilty, and applied for a public defender. This meant I had to come back again to be assigned an attorney. Oh what fun. My defender seems to agree with me that this was an illegal seizure, or something along those lines, and plans to file a “motion to suppress.” If I can get my neighbor to testify as to the fact that I repeatedly asked them to get a warrant, and that they said I was, “technically under arrest”, should make my case a slam-dunk. Unfortunately, my neighbor has moved to San Diego, ironically because the Sheriffs Dept. was in their home, poking around, without a warrant no less. This caused them to pack up and move out that very evening. Fortunately I have stayed in touch with her and she should be able to help me, as long as she can get up here, and my Public Defender says they can possibly arrange transportation. How cool would that be?

CUT TO THREE MONTHS LATER-MARCH 12,2007

“BANG!!!” That’s how these pricks knock on my door. Yeah, they’re back. They’re actually back!! I had been awake for almost three days, re-aquainting myself with my new computer, tracking some bids on ebay, etc, and I had just barely fallen asleep when the knock- no, BANG, came at my flimsy trailer door. Damned if it wasn’t the same fucking fucks. (Fuck!) This time however, there was no stepping outside, no friendly handshake, no mistakes.
“You mind stepping out here?” They didn’t even know my damned name!
“Absolutely not!”
”Do you mind if we come in?”
“Hell yes I mind!! Get a warrant. What do you want?”
“We’re here with the inspectors again.” And yet, I saw no inspectors.
“Well, where are they?”
They motioned up the road, “Up there by that white SUV.” I saw the SUV, but not the inspectors.
“Well then you’re not really with them then are you?”
“We need to speak to you as a representative of the property.”
They were trying to trick me outside again. “I’m not a representative of shit! LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“Do you have any warrants for you arrest? Are you on probation? Parole? Are there any drugs in the house? Blah blah blah…?”
“No. No. No. No. Now fuck off!!” (Oh yes I did.)
“Well we’re going to go check on all that.”
“You have fun. Bye “ And that’s how that ended. They did not come back. I’m more concerned with why they were there at all. I have a pending court case against these very fucks, so as far as I’m concerned this was harassment and/or intimidation of the police variety. Oh, and they asked me my name, meaning even after citing me three months earlier they still didn’t know whose door they were banging on.
In case it was lost in the story, these guys had no reason to knock on my door three months ago, there had been no complaint made, I hadn’t even been smoking that morning, so it wasn’t like they smelled it either, so the only reason I can figure they knocked that day is because they didn’t know I was fighting the ticket they’d given me, and thought I’d be on probation for the possession charge, in which case they pretty much don’t need a warrant any more. (Most people I saw in court with the same charge were making guilty pleas.)
It’s just plain bullshit. You can’t just go door to door fishing for crimes. You can’t just detain someone for upwards of hour without any evidence of a crime having been committed. You the reader may not care for pot, or for the people who use it but someone has to stand up against these pigs that think they don’t have to play by the rules,(their rules) particularly when they think most people don’t know what their rights are. Don’t be mislead, I’m doing this, for me, not for the rest of you. I don’t want a fucking possession charge on my record, for what I do in my own home. I overcame all the hard drugs, the bad drugs. To go down now, over two joints, would just be a shame.–V.D.

Thank you for your patience-Now, without further delay...

2007-03-03T01:59:00.000-08:00

Hello world (wide web). I’m finally back, after… a long time. My computer went on the blink and I couldn’t fix it. And how I tried.
But thanks to my sister (who for now will remain nameless) I’m back to the FUCKING HEADACHE that is computing. THANKS SIS!!! No. Really.
A lot has happened, yet little has happened. I’d say things are better overall, thanks mostly to my quitting all of my psych-meds. Ten years I spent on that crap, from prozac to lithium to Geodon (Don’t ask). Ten years I wasted. I am convinced that the single biggest source of depression in my life was the meds. Now of course, it’s coming out that a lot of those SSRI drugs cause suicidal ideation- though they’re only acknowledging this problem in people under eighteen. How stupid is THAT?
Any how, I’ve gotten myself back online and I will be feeling obligated to update this blog more often
Just one thing more. My blogging software is acting a bit screwy so I’m pasting my text to the page from ms word, this is a bit weird but seems to get my words to my page (though for some reason the text acts like a link if you click it, so I may try to make sure they link to something, like a photo)
Thanks for stopping by.

ELLIOTT SMITH MEMORIAL- "Solutions" Sunset Blvd. Silverlake CA

2007-03-02T18:11:00.000-08:00

This is a photo taken shortly after the passing of the master songwriter. The memorial itself is one of the most saddening and beautiful things I have ever seen. I really didn’t really think that all that many people knew who he was, I’m delighted to find, I was wrong.

2007-03-02T18:02:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't trust him with a lost child at a department store

2005-11-24T15:14:00.000-08:00

The preceding statement is from the psychiatrist that Social Security had me see so they could evaluate my pending SSI case. Yeah, I've got problems- both mentally and physically- but I was shocked to see such a statement from a supposed professional who only saw me for about twenty minutes. I'll say this, you'd better fuckin' HOPE that I find your lost child before someone really insane finds them. I also freely admitted that I do drink alcohol occasionally, i.e: about three or four times a month. That admission led him to conclude rhat I am an alcoholic. It sure doesn't always pay to be honest.

Sometimes it sucks to be right.

2005-11-22T15:51:00.001-08:00

It would seem that I knew instinctively that, well that this was either a terribe act of neglect on the part of Bush & Co. or this was one terrible act orchestrated by the Bush administration. Conspiracy theory? Not to me. To me it's just, CONSPIRACY. Whatever the case, one thing is clear, and that is that the President is the servent of the people, or, he's supposed to be, yet he clearly doesn't care what we the people think. As of today his approval rating is in the low to mid thirty percentile. Does he give a shit what we the people think about....anything?

Intensity is the mother of intention.

2005-11-22T02:50:00.000-08:00

Eventually of course, the towers fell (along with building seven) and now "the whole world has changed" theoretically, and I've got this piece of music with no lyrics. This was one of those times for me where it seemed like I was plucking the words out of the air or something.

The image of the great collapse made me think of a bible verse from Revelation:

Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen.

I always remembered that phrase because it always struck me a bit odd. I mean, why say it twice? "is fallen, is fallen?" Now I'm not a big bible guy, but it's pretty trippy when you look at 9/11 through the lens of that verse. Two buildings, two symbols of capitalist excess, two, "is fallens." Simple.

Here are the words to the song as I remember them from that place you remember things from:

BABYLON

Manhattan city towers standin' side by side;

A monument of human power, wealth, and pride-

In my opinion they just build them way too high;

but who the hell am I to say?

Yeah, who the hell am I?

Something suicidal came out of the sky;

a ball of fire as captured by the camera's eye-

and as we lapsed into the "who what where and why,"

two hundred-twenty floors collapsed in double time,

Babylon the great has really fallen, fallen-

Babylon the great has truly fallen, fallen-

Meanwhile not too far away in Washington,

the dogs of war were seated in their Pentagon;

and if they're the ones who claim to know what's goin' on,

well who the hell are "they" momma?

Somethin' homicidal came out of the sky;

A flaming arrow struck the nation in the side.

When trouble makers find themselves in troubled times,

who can really say, momma?

Who can really say?

Babylon the great has finally fallen, fallen-

Babylon the great has fuckin' fallen, fallen-

It's better to be wide awake than paranoid;

It's better to be paranoid than be destroyed-

but you'd better know the methods evil men employ;

You'd better look around brother-

Better look around.

Somethin' suicidal came out of the blue;

Somethin' in my bible's finally comin' true;

Nostradamus made the New York Book Review,

but no one had a clue really,

no one had a clue.

Babylon the great-blah blah blah......

What the hell happened to America?

2005-11-21T21:00:00.000-08:00

That's what they're going to be asking in the not too distant future, although most people of average intelligence are asking already. Yeah , okay. Sure. This is still "America" but clearly something fundemental has changed. Ever since 9/11 I haven't been feeling all that free. Granted, G.W.Bush made it known, everything has changed since that terrible event in 2001- though what I have come to belive he actually meant was something more like- WE ARE ABOUT TO CHANGE EVERYTHING- SO GET WITH THE (NEW) PROGRAM- AND SHUT THE HELL UP!- or something like that.

Everyone should remember where they were when the towers fell, even if they were totally wasted, which, I may have been, I'm not sure. I know I was in L.A. house-sitting for a friend, I had been up all night working on a piece of music that I just sort of pulled out of the air. It didn't have any lyrics on the morning of 9/11, but it was cool, and I was tired, so I went to lie down with the radio on KPFK (Check out www.kpfk.org for all the news they don't give you on FOX NEWS) Exhausted I almost fell asleep instantly- almost.

On the radio they were talking about how a plane had hit one of the Trade Towers. I nearly missed the whole thing completely due to my sleep deprived state. For a moment I was pretty certain that I was just dreaming...I mean, if a plane had really hit one of the towers, then it'd be on like every television station in the country, right?

So I got up, went back out to the living room, flipped on the tube, and- HOLY CRAP!! I had got up in time to see the second plane hit, at which point it was clear to anyone with a central nervous system that this was definitely not an accident. Being the liberal-lefty that I am the first thing I said was, "What did we do?" I don't know exactly what I meant by that, but hey, I hadn't slept for like twenty-four hours, and I sure as shit wasn't going to sleep now.

Like nearly everyone else, I just stared in horror for a period of time. Then I popped a tape into the VCR, because...well, because.

At some point I know I called my wife, who was about a hundred miles away. Honestly, I don't know what we said to each other, but really, what does one say?

I thought about my buddy whose house I was watching. He was somwhere in the Anza-Borrego wilderness camping. "He doesn't even know this has happened" I thought. Imagine that.